Sadness: Man Shoots Girlfriend Over Zombie Argument

December 5, 2012


Supreme failure at life Jared Gurman of Long Island has been charged with attempted murder after shooting his girlfriend following an argument about 'The Walking Dead'. Just reread that sentence and let it all soak in. Even worse, Jared shot her IN THE BACK. Obviously, there's no way he has the survival skills to survive a zombie apocalypse. Or his butthole a night in prison.

Police say Gurman fired one shot from a .22 caliber rifle. Officers say the bullet pierced the unidentified woman's lung and diaphragm and shattered her ribs.

Gurman took her to a hospital.

Gurman's attorney tells Newsday the rifle went off accidentally.

The attorney, Edward L. Lieberman, declined to comment about specifics of the argument.

The rifle went off accidentally? The attorney is declining to comment on the specifics of the argument? I NEED THAT INFORMATION. Were they like, roleplaying the best way to fend off a zombie and she was playing the zombie? And if that's the case, why was her back turned? Are they back together now? Engaged? I seriously need answers or I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.

Thanks to ChaosLex, who agrees its all downhill from here.

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