BREAKING: Squeezing Breasts Could Help Prevent Cancer

December 20, 2012


According to for-real recently conducted research, squeezing breasts may prevent malignant cells in the breast from turning to cancer. *quickly turns lemonade stand into free breast cancer prevention stand* Step right up, the doctor is IN.

Laboratory experiments showed that applying physical pressure to the cells guided them back to a normal growth pattern.

Scientists do not envisage fighting breast cancer with a new range of compression bras, but they believe the research provides clues that could lead to new treatments.

"Malignant cells have not completely forgotten how to be healthy; they just need the right cues to guide them back to a healthy growth pattern," said Mr Venugopalan, a doctoral student.

Squeeze often -- that's the real message here. Even in public. "I'm not sure that's the message." THAT IS TOTALLY THE MESSAGE. It couldn't be any clearer if it was this window. "That's a door." Why are you so against cancer prevention?! Also, no word if this also works for testicles, but I'm afraid to try.

Thanks to Bria and Scotty-B, who hate cancer and love breasts. Ditto, guys -- we should start a club. "There is one, it's called all of humanity." How exclusive!

  • Guest

    Good news for all those men with GF's and/or wives. :D

  • p_shep

    Now that's way better. Well done GW :)

  • Guest

    What a bunch of BS......I have a good friend who had breast cancer. She also had (has) an extremely active sex life. How did she find out about a her husband who was squeezing!!!!

  • Charles Whelan

    Fights cancer, one boob grab at a time..

  • Great! I'm going to get loads of random people wanting a squeeze now.

  • Brant_Alan

    No.. you won't.

  • JJtoob

    Well, a few girls owe me their lives then lol.

  • Brant_Alan

    I'm sure you'll be getting thank you letters from all those girls who passed out at parties.

  • JJtoob

    LOL, I've only been to one party, and no one passed out -_- I could have saved more lives if they had.

  • p_shep

    Where the hell you find that picture GW? and why couldn't you have left it there?

  • GizmoDuck

    the dark unwanted folder on the internet

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Finally, something useful in fighting breast cancer (SUCK IT, 5Ks!)

  • ryan

    I wonder how the research was conducted..

  • Yes, I'm a licensed practitioner of therapeutic breast massage. My schedule is a bit stacked, but I'm sure I could squeeze you in.

  • Žiga Furlan

    But not broken thumbs!

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