That's Not Pretentious Enough: Caviar Vending Machine

November 28, 2012


This is one of the caviar vending machines recently installed around Los Angeles by Beverly Hills Caviar. Caviar prices range from $4/spoon for the cheap stuff up to $500/ounce for the primo eggs. The machines are estimated to have around $50,000 worth of merchandise in them at any given time, making them a likely target to be dragged behind my truck and crowbarred open at home. They don't JUST vend caviar though, they also sell bottarga (another version of cured fish roe), escargot, truffles, gourmet salts, and mother of pearl plates and spoons. You know, just in case you couldn't find any decent mother of pearl plates and spoons at the Mother of Pearl Discount Dinnerware Warehouse. You know, I actually knew a girl named Pearl in middle school and her mother was NOT easy on the eyes. Plus she thought it was funny to fart in the car when she was driving us to the mall. Pearl would always get so embarrassed and yell at her but she'd be all, "If God didn't want us farting he wouldn't have given us buttholes," then rip another one that sounded like a tire blowing. That usually made it worse. *rereading article* Classy as caviar.

Thanks to Lofi and PYY, who taught me everything I know about caviar, which is that they're expensive fish eggs. I feel like an expert!

  • Very useful info. Hope to see more posts soon! Does it come with goat cheese and crackers?

  • LadderAlice

    It always gets me how most "delicacies" like caviar are incredibly gross when you think about what they really are. You could not pay ME to eat fish eggs, much less charge me hundreds for the privilege. Disgusting!

  • L Bruce Olson

    When you got to eat a can for warm fish eggs, there's no time to lose.

  • Sean Lally

    LA is like a third world country when it comes to power, hope they have some generators on those machines!

  • Brant_Alan

    Nothing says class quite like pushin' a couple of twenties in a vending machine.

  • Anodos

    I like how most expensive things used to be trash. Maybe ill save up on the water that builds up in the peanut butter. Gonna be 300 dollars an ounce someday.

  • A vending machine that sells expensive and/or disgusting stuff. Just what the world needs.

  • Does it come with goat cheese and crackers?

  • Kind of an oxymoron, since people with a craving for fancy fish eggs usually prefer to be served by a Maître d

  • n_a_a_s


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