No More Twinkies: Hostess Brand Closes For Good

November 16, 2012


Goodnight sweet prince.

In heartbreaking news for anyone who deep fries sweets whenever they're drunk, Hostess brand, maker of Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Wonder Bread, is calling it quits after filing for bankruptcy earlier this year. A recent labor strike drove the company over the edge. BRB, visiting every grocery store in the area.

Adam Hanft, a branding strategist behind Hanft Projects, sees the potential for new life in the death of a decades-old company. A fresh owner of the intellectual property, which includes everything from names to recipes to graphics, could revitalize the Hostess brands, which Mr. Hanft sees as weakened but not lacking potential. He raised the prospect of new flavors, limited-edition Twinkies, products co-branded with independent music groups and the potential for an international reach.

"Its nutritional emptiness in the right hands could be its core strength," he said, explaining that a buyer that embraces the brand's "kitschy," "deliciously retro" feel could be rewarded. He foresees a potentially diverse crowd of bidders for the property.

Did you read that? It said LIMITED EDITION TWINKIES. I say you and I pool our money and buy the rights to some of their brands. "Ding Dongs?" Yeah, that's really the only one I care about. I want the new boxes to have a giant loveable smiling pecker on the front. We're gonna be rich!

Thanks to Chaos Infintium (whoa bro -- easy on the chaos!), B. McCool, seth and Nickw22, who agree we're just gonna have to find other ways to get fat. I vote chips and dip.

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