I Believe Him: Britain's Oldest Man Credits Longevity To The Magic Potion He Drank In India Decades Ago

November 5, 2012


Seen here with eyes burnt red from years of abusing his laser vision, Reverend Reg Dean is Britain's oldest man, at 110. But does he credit his longevity to his vegetarian diet or a deal he made with God? NOPE -- it was the magic potion he drank in India when he was in the army. WE MUST LOCATE THIS RECIPE.

The Reverend Reg Dean instead attributes it to a 'mysterious brown-looking' elixir of life given to him by a doctor when he was an army chaplain in India.

'He said to me, "I have concocted a drink that will make you live for ever", or something like that, and would I like to take it?' he recalled yesterday.

'Well I'm very naive, I can't say no, so I drank it and here I am.'

Naive? Drinking mysterious brown-looking elixirs doesn't make you naive, it makes you IMMORTAL. Thankfully, using my network of Geekologie operatives, I was able to track down a recipe for the elixir in Mumbai, and I'm offering bottles of 'GW's Live Forever Juice' for the low-low price of $1-million. "That's a Coke bottle with 'GW's Live Forever Juice' written on it. Okay fine, but I really am selling bottled water from the Fountain of Youth. "It's just Perrier isn't it?" No! Evian.

Thanks to xer, who, for two tips in one day, wins one free love potion. "That's a Hi-C pouch." ENOUGH OUT OF YOU.

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