Beluga Whale Spends Four Years Trying To Speak Human, Gives Up, Probably Thinks We're Too Stupid Anyways

October 23, 2012


This is a video (actually just audio) of NOC the beluga whale vocalizing with English-like speech patterns. Apparently he talked like this for all his youth, then abandoned it when he matured. What was he trying to tell us? Does he know the location of Atlantis? Is he friends with Ariel? He sounds like me singing in the shower. ♫ I'M A PRETTY GIRL, HUR DER DER DER ♫

Hit the jump and tell me what he's saying.

Thanks to Johnny Utah and The Brett, who agree he was probably trying to bestow the wisdom of the ancient Atlanteans on us. Wow, we f***ed that up.

  • Rachel Smith

    I love how he sounds just like some annoying kid in high school that you fucking hated.

  • I just heard Huururududurrrrr Eeeyoeeedureeeuurr dduhuurururreeererrrbeeeaaaurrrduuuu

  • Guest

    I'm a fish I cans translates for you humans, he said "hurr hurr hurr humans are really stupid, doi doi doi". Well that's a really mean thing to say Mr. Beluga Whale.

  • bakuryu

    Maybe Gary Larson can help us:

  • TheOtherJK

    Oh long johnson. Oh my dog. Why I eyes ya.

  • Closet Nerd

    Sounds like the theme to "Star Wars".... just sayin

  • Ross Huddleston

    Do you feel like we do?

  • kiligula

    I assume he was singing this?

  • that sounds like people talking underwater but really high pitched or something. Maybe they're the whale was parroting back the sound
    frequencies he was able to hear?

  • Sounds like some one with a kazoo.

  • Gummi_B3ar

    The last ever dolphin message was
    misinterpreted as a surprisingly
    sophisticated attempt to do a doublebackward
    somersault through a hoop while
    whistling the "Star-Spangled Banner" but
    in fact the message was this...
    "So long and thanks for all the fish."

  • Tim

    "So long and thanks for all the fish"

  • Dani

    My dick is so long and thanks for all the fish tacos.

  • MaximusJacobus

    I don't know why, but that terrified me.

  • James Mcelroy

    Sounds like Meatwad in the shower to me.

  • Sounds Cthulhuian to me.

  • Lady G

    I totally get it. Not.

  • FIRST! He is saying EAT MOR CHIKIN

  • Guest

    I believe the dolphin's actual quote was "Anyone who types FIRST needs to commit suicide".

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