Now Run Them Through With A Katana!: London Movie Theater Employs Ninjas To Silence Cell Phone Talkers

September 14, 2012


The Prince Charles cinema in London has recently started employing "ninjas" in black bodysuits to confront people using their cell phones or participating in other jerky behavior during a movie and pissing me off. Normally I just slap them in the back of the head and tell them I'll be waiting for them when the movie's over, but whatever works I guess.

The so-called ninjas are ordinary cinephiles who agree to "guard" screenings in exchange for free admission. When they spot a patron talking, texting, throwing popcorn, kicking seats, or otherwise engaging in rude behavior, they swoop down to give the jerk in question a talking-to. One of the program's recent targets, moviegoer Abdul Stagg, recounted his experience:

I normally hate noisy people in cinemas, but I got a call from my friend just as the movie started and thought I could get away with taking it. The last thing I expected was two completely blacked-out people suddenly appearing by our seats and give me and my mates a warning to shut up. It was actually pretty terrifying at first, but then I realised it was a bit of a laugh and a great way to make it clear what I was doing was having an impact on those around me. It certainly made me hang up and shut up for the rest of the film.

So this jerk normally hates noisy people in the theater, but decides to take a call right when the movie starts? That is textbook @$$hole right there. I hate it when other people do it, but I'm gonna do it myself. I would have nunchucked that dude so hard he started puking popcorn. You ever puked popcorn before? That shit hurts coming back up. Coins too.

  • ZomBBombeR

    Wow a job I might actually excel at!? Too bad they'd probably never do that in Canada, however I dont find spandex suits a force to be reckoned with, they should really be dressing them like real ninjas and all aplicants must have a marshal arts, freerunning or parkour background you know so it's believeable. No amount of colour change can make the blue man group something thats gonna make me shut up and sit still.

  • Closet Nerd

    .... and if you're a ninja, shouldn't you be able to just sneak in for free anyway

  • Closet Nerd

    You just calmly walk over to them, get right in their face, and sternly say, "Shut the fuck up RIGHT NOW, or give me $12.50 right now to pay for my ticket!"
    .... just sayin

  • Oz Baxter

    The technology to block cell signals has existed for about eight-plus years now. Some churches in Europe use them during services. If the theaters actually wanted you off the phones, they would install these signal blockers. But, they don't. They want YOU to think they want people off the phones. They don't actually care. They just want you happy enough to pay the $25 ticket prices & $30 popcorn fees. If they think YOU are fooled by half-assed attempts to deal with this problem, then they're perfectly happy.

  • pawnman

    Of course, actively interfering with FCC regulated airwaves is illegal. So that could be a reason theaters don't employ the technology. It also makes it slightly more difficult to dial 9-1-1 when someone goes all "Dark Knight Rises" in the theater.

  • Cortney A.

    I also was gonna point out how we've had cell phone signal blocking tech for the a while now.

  • Vin Moretti

    The worst is when I see people watching videos or texting on their phones while WATCHING A PLAY. When I was a spotlight operator, I had to resist the urge to put the spotlight right on those jackasses and watch their reaction.

  • grimbldoo

    I would be lazy and just use a slingshot to hit them in the back of the head...a laser guided slingshot.

  • For me it would be more annoying having someone rising up and blocking the screen in front of me, because he's trying to intimidate some noisy kid.

  • backwardsbread

    Ninjas?'s called ushers. I used to be one. Cell phones arne't allowed to be used in a theatre. and if they are seen being used Ushers warn them or kick them out. I used to be one for 5 years. This shit makes no sense

  • coff13

    you ran around in a full black morph suit and silenced people? i doubt it, you should not over analyse so much

  • $18922249

    Well then... it would seem that we need some cinema samuri as well. LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!

  • Oh ninjas... where were you when we needed you?

  • BillGatesIsYourDaddy

    they were there. they were always there, you just can't see them.

  • I like how the guy in the picture is all into the movie...I'd be more distracted by some guy running around in a black suit than someone on the phone I think. But thats just ADD for ya. :/

  • BillGatesIsYourDaddy

    sad to say that here in America that tactic would not work. the idiots here have no fear or worry because we have raised a self-entitled society.

  • n_a_a_s

    If you were talking in the theater on ur phone & I 'hushed' you in this manner (wearing ninja-bear claws of course) - you wouldn't have much to say about self entitlement afterwards.... just sayin

  • BillGatesIsYourDaddy

    that's what I'm saying. we are going to need something a little more menacing than some guy in spandex.


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