Now Run Them Through With A Katana!: London Movie Theater Employs Ninjas To Silence Cell Phone Talkers

September 14, 2012

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The Prince Charles cinema in London has recently started employing "ninjas" in black bodysuits to confront people using their cell phones or participating in other jerky behavior during a movie and pissing me off. Normally I just slap them in the back of the head and tell them I'll be waiting for them when the movie's over, but whatever works I guess.

The so-called ninjas are ordinary cinephiles who agree to "guard" screenings in exchange for free admission. When they spot a patron talking, texting, throwing popcorn, kicking seats, or otherwise engaging in rude behavior, they swoop down to give the jerk in question a talking-to. One of the program's recent targets, moviegoer Abdul Stagg, recounted his experience:


I normally hate noisy people in cinemas, but I got a call from my friend just as the movie started and thought I could get away with taking it. The last thing I expected was two completely blacked-out people suddenly appearing by our seats and give me and my mates a warning to shut up. It was actually pretty terrifying at first, but then I realised it was a bit of a laugh and a great way to make it clear what I was doing was having an impact on those around me. It certainly made me hang up and shut up for the rest of the film.

So this jerk normally hates noisy people in the theater, but decides to take a call right when the movie starts? That is textbook @$$hole right there. I hate it when other people do it, but I'm gonna do it myself. I would have nunchucked that dude so hard he started puking popcorn. You ever puked popcorn before? That shit hurts coming back up. Coins too.

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