Homeland Security Encourages You To Prepare For A Zombie Apocalypse (But With Ulterior Motives)

September 7, 2012


The Department of Homeland Security is encouraging citizens to be prepared for a zombie outbreak, not because they think there's going to be one, but because they think the preparations you'd make for zombies are similar to those you'd make for a natural disaster or terrorist attack, and it's just much more fun to stock up pretending the undead are coming.

"The zombies are coming!" the Homeland Security Department says.

Tongue firmly in cheek, the government urged citizens Thursday to prepare for a zombie apocalypse, part of a public health campaign to encourage better preparation for genuine disasters and emergencies. The theory: If you're prepared for a zombie attack, the same preparations will help during a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake or terrorist attack.

I mean, sure, in THEORY it sounds like a decent plan, until you actually see the preparations I made. "Let's see here -- zero food and water, no spare clothes or medical supplies, two shotguns, an assault rifle and a shit-ton of ammo." F*** yeah, LET'S DO THIS THING.

Thanks to hamburglar, who will steal cheeseburgers too, so don't think those are safe.

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