Homeland Security Encourages You To Prepare For A Zombie Apocalypse (But With Ulterior Motives)

September 7, 2012


The Department of Homeland Security is encouraging citizens to be prepared for a zombie outbreak, not because they think there's going to be one, but because they think the preparations you'd make for zombies are similar to those you'd make for a natural disaster or terrorist attack, and it's just much more fun to stock up pretending the undead are coming.

"The zombies are coming!" the Homeland Security Department says.

Tongue firmly in cheek, the government urged citizens Thursday to prepare for a zombie apocalypse, part of a public health campaign to encourage better preparation for genuine disasters and emergencies. The theory: If you're prepared for a zombie attack, the same preparations will help during a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake or terrorist attack.

I mean, sure, in THEORY it sounds like a decent plan, until you actually see the preparations I made. "Let's see here -- zero food and water, no spare clothes or medical supplies, two shotguns, an assault rifle and a shit-ton of ammo." F*** yeah, LET'S DO THIS THING.

Thanks to hamburglar, who will steal cheeseburgers too, so don't think those are safe.

  • All we would need is a boat! Never seen zombies swimming!

  • westmclarenmerc

    Doesn't preparing for a zombie appocalypse just means that you stock up on guns, ammo and a frigging good sword? I can see how that helps in a terrorist attack (as if that'll happen again) but I fail to see how that helps for hurricanes, earthquakes and tsunami's. And to be honest since most of the causes for zombies are viral or bacterial, that actually counts as a pandemic event, also smartphone users and virtical video filmers are the current pandemic and makes them the current day zombies, perhaps we should start with them to prevent worse? It's only a matter of time before the diagonal video sydrome is alive.

  • Pretty sure the aim was to simply grab attention for disaster preparedness.

  • maybe homeland security is warning us of a potential natural disaster coming soon... 0.0

  • He reminds me of an ex-boyfriend.

  • Crucial

    Should have never given up.

  • JimmyThr

    Girl I love (she's gonna get me killed isn't she)
    bladed melee weapons
    crossbows (hate them in gaming, love 'em in real life)
    shitload of arrows
    shitload of bolts
    materials to make shitload more of arrows and bolts
    tools to gather materials
    tools to make shit
    tools to make shit last
    tools to make weapons last
    tools to make tools last
    tools to make the tools that make tools last last more
    blunt melee weapons
    automatic weaponry
    all the ammo in the world
    books, lots of 'em
    books on how to farm
    zombie costume (You never know it could work)
    boat island

  • Define "boat island"?

  • JimmyThr
  • Brant_Alan

    Ok so the CDC has a Zombie Apocolypse plan set out if one pans out (Center for Disease Control for you acronym illiterates) and now Homeland Security? Is there something they aren't telling us?

  • It is fun to think about a zombie apocalypse, and I'm glad our government agencies have shown a sense of humor (other than economic policy). If you're into this kind of thing, check out the android app Could You Survive: Zombies http://market.android.com/d... Yes, it's my app, but it's good satirical fun on topic.

  • Oh it's an earthquake! Shoot it in the head!!

  • ZomBBombeR

    If you already have a b.o.b. or (bug out bag) all you need to do is add ammo and weapons and your good to go, you should have dried preserves, first aid at least one change of clothes no more than 3, something to purify non potable water, a shelter kit a machete survival knife firestarters etc etc theres more but it should all fit in a backpack minus weapons but the ammo should store; for that reason, .22 cal is your best friend low noise virtually no recoil easy to learn to shoot and shoot accurately always have side arm incase and remeber blades dont need reloading. Happy Zombocolypse!!!! enjoy the hunt.

  • BillGatesIsYourDaddy

    I am with you up to the .22 cal. maybe low noise with no recoil but is completely useless. .223 would be the best light semi-auto out there. there are many different variants of the gun floating around so its easily replaceable and that ammo is sold by the bulk at almost every store that sells guns so it will be easily found and its inexpensive so you can quickly stock up at this moment. if you are worried about sound then invest in rebuildable suppressors.

  • ZomBBombeR

    Only reason I say .22 over .223 is becuase A) in canada assault rifle ammo is harder and I mean much harder to come by even black market wise and B) the .22 is practically the smallest and most common lethal round, 5 mags of .223 or ~1000rds of .22 would fit into the same ammo pouch when
    I do the math it seems simple to me to go for the round you can carry more of not to mention there are .22 pistols, smg and assault conversion kits, so baisically if you get your hands on that and say my lvr action rifle fails; I no longer have a bunch of useless .223 ammo I can't use, instead I have an abundance of .22's that work not only in my rifle but my smg and my sidearm aswell, however I will note that I would have preferably one ~ .308 hunting rifle for long shots and human suppression as well as a .45 cal also for human suppression or as back up sidarm, gotta watch for bandits right? P.s. it's been seen time and time again that .22's are infamous for no exit wound, therefore one headshot goes in the skull makes brain stew never leaves and the zombie drops dead again.

  • BillGatesIsYourDaddy

    I understand what you are saying about being in Canada and certain ammo and guns being harder to come by.
    Here in the US, where we are still allowed to love our guns (for now), .223 is all over the place. Cannot go anywhere without tripping over it.
    I would still try and find something other than a .22 because that gun has no stopping power at all. I have 2 but only for cheap fun at a gun range. After 50yds you are better off throwing rocks at your target.

    On a side note. The best .22 setup would be a Gatling gun setup using multiple 10/22 actions.
    I had a friend that was a complete gun nut. He built one of these things and instead of 2 he used 4 10/22's. I cannot begin to explain how much fun that thing was to shoot.

  • ZomBBombeR

    But I did mention having other ammo to take out human threats or super far targets I'm just saying the bread an butter of a good zombie hunter in Canada would be a .22 cal, small, light, easy to carry thousands of extra rounds easily swapable between weapons etc. thats my point I'm not saying it's a god round but it has more pro's than cons to it and most zombie battles I imagine would be in relatively close quarters so your still getting a pretty straight trajectory, not to mention I think the .22 can go a little further than 50 yds and still carry stopping power, I'd say aprox.~ 150 yds if your a good shot and still get good penetration "tehe" but anyway as I'm sure both of us will be on this site 'til the end of days I'll get back to you once I get and play with my ruger 10/22 takedown.

  • Larry Symms

    AND A SHARPENER! Knives are no good dull.

  • Guest

    machete ♥ ♥ ♥

  • Guest

    ☐ Dried foods
    ☐ Solar Power
    ☑ Gun/Weapons
    ☑ transportation
    ☐ turtles to distract zombies

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