YES!: Armpit Microwaver Nukes Your Sweat Glands

August 17, 2012


4? Crank that thing up to at least 12!

We all sweat. I'm talking about us dudes, not you ladies. Ladies don't sweat. Or smell. And they DEFINITELY don't use the bathroom. I assume women's restrooms are just all sinks and perfume. This is an armpit microwaver that nukes your sweat glands to prevent perspiration and, more than likely, to cause another, smaller arm to grow out of your armpit.

The miraDry procedure was approved by the FDA earlier this year, and claims to kill off 22-30,000 sweat glands in your armpits, reducing sweating by an average of 82 percent. A recent study showed that it is effective in about 90 percent of patients, and that the effects last for at least a year.

Two sessions are required to get the full treatment, and this runs about $3,000.

$3,000 to not sweat for a year? As much as I would love to nuke my sweaty buttcrack so it stops embarrassing me at the gym, I just don't have the money for that in my budget. In my butt? Sure, I could probably fit that little ray-gun in there.

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