YES!: Armpit Microwaver Nukes Your Sweat Glands

August 17, 2012


4? Crank that thing up to at least 12!

We all sweat. I'm talking about us dudes, not you ladies. Ladies don't sweat. Or smell. And they DEFINITELY don't use the bathroom. I assume women's restrooms are just all sinks and perfume. This is an armpit microwaver that nukes your sweat glands to prevent perspiration and, more than likely, to cause another, smaller arm to grow out of your armpit.

The miraDry procedure was approved by the FDA earlier this year, and claims to kill off 22-30,000 sweat glands in your armpits, reducing sweating by an average of 82 percent. A recent study showed that it is effective in about 90 percent of patients, and that the effects last for at least a year.

Two sessions are required to get the full treatment, and this runs about $3,000.

$3,000 to not sweat for a year? As much as I would love to nuke my sweaty buttcrack so it stops embarrassing me at the gym, I just don't have the money for that in my budget. In my butt? Sure, I could probably fit that little ray-gun in there.

  • Closet Nerd

    I'd have to use it on my ass crack first.... just sayin

  • Guest

    $2 Deodorant or $3,000 to remove armpit sweat glands. You decide...

  • RDarker


  • lorrrd

    Good old smell of sweat is always related to alimentation . Coffee , pork , web2.0-mediocracy-conspiracy-pollution = all tannic acids - stinkin as "Hell" (if Heaven wasnt the moldy place)

  • Closet Nerd

    If the sweat doesn't come out of your arm pits, its just gonna come out of other pores
    I KNOW
    ...... just sayin

  • BillGatesIsYourDaddy

    no sweat glands in your armpits = extremely sweaty ass

  • I'd only want that done to me if it gave me super powers.

  • Guest

    Shooting spikes from one's armpit would be one pretty sweet super power.

  • BoxingCannabyte Epicurus

    This sounds like it's going to backfire very badly.

  • this sucks. I like hot girls armpits.sweating would even turn me on more if I got to smell and lick it while fucking her. i would like to lick them all day long if I could. #armpitfetish

  • $18922249

    If the world is to burn, and there is only a tiny fragment of the Internet left over for some future alien expedition... I hope that it is your comment. Bravo. :: slow claps::

  • >implying half of the internet doesn't have sicker fetishes than me and have posted a lot worse things.

  • $18922249

    It was just funny. I could care less what people do in their spare time. It was just a combination of the odd imagery and the really poor grammar that made me laugh at my desk.

  • seldomused

    Save some money, and get some Certain Dry, or just accept your inevitable loneliness.

  • Tyler Mussman

    Good thing sweating doesn't have any physiological significance.

  • $18922249

    Vanity is funny like that.

  • So you go to the gym, and during workout your neck EXPLODES.

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