Mystery Goat-Man Comes Forward, Claims He's A Hunter

July 24, 2012


Not gonna lie, sometimes unsolved mysteries are way cooler.

So I could hardly sleep last night because I kept tossing and turning thinking about this goat-man mystery, and now, thankfully (although disappointingly), he's come forward to claim he's a hunter practicing his goat-stalking skills for a bow-and-arrow hunt in Canada. Likely story, pervert.

The man said he traveled to the Ben Lomond Peak area to test out a goat suit in preparation for an archery hunt of mountain goats in Canada in 2013, Douglass said.

"He found out about Utah and that it was fairly easy to get close to the goats to (train) to get a clean harvest shot with archery equipment," Douglass said.

The man said the goat costume was made out of a hooded painter's suit, the kind that is readily available for purchase in home repair stores. He outfitted the suit with Polarfleece to give it the appearance of fur and wore a hat backward, pulling the brim down to his chin to look like a billy goat's beard, Douglass said.

Listen: If I got busted in a dino costume hanging around Jurassic Park at night you think I wouldn't make up some excuse too? F*CK NO I WOULDN'T -- I'M HERE TO BONE DINOSAURS AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT. Unless it's my parents, in which case tell them it was my brother.

Thanks to seven, Brokendish, Crazy Marcus and Christina, who agree it's only a matter of time before the hybrid goat-people start wandering down the mountain and into town.

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