Let's Go Swim In The Moat!: Custom Chain-Mail Bikinis

July 23, 2012


I lied, they only makes bikini tops. You're still gonna have to wear a dragon hide or whatever for a bottom. Or -- OR -- nothing at all. I'm gonna vote nothing at all provided, you know, GIANT BUSH. One time I went to a nude beach and thought a lady was wearing a silver bikini bottom. NOPE, unshaven granny. She still had it.

This handmade, swim-friendly, waterproof chainmail bikini top is made from saw-cut bright aluminum and latex-free EPDM rubber. The rubber gives just the right amount of stretch to gently cup around your curves, accentuating them in just the right way, the silver rings providing a shiny and eye-catching sparkle.

These tops are extremely comfortable and light, weighing only a half pound, and tie in the back and at the neck with a wide satin ribbon for the ultimate in comfort and adjustability. These bikini tops are completely street-legal; nothing can be seen through the weave, and are completely waterproof/swim friendly.

A custom top will set you back $175 but, come on, can you really put a price on attracting the eye of the prince of your dreams? Yes, it's called a $80 love potion. You can buy them from witches. But, WARNING: do NOT buy from the one who lives out by the dwarven mines. I think she put a sleep spell on me last time and rubbed my nips while I was out. "Why do you think that?" Because I asked her to. "So what's the problem?" When I woke up they were on fire!

Hit the jump for several more examples.







Thanks to Jessie, who's rocking the dragonscale armor bikini she bought in Skyrim this summer.

  • Michael S Waggoner

    I dreamed of inventing this but alas.....I am too late.......BEAUTIFUL STUFF!!!!

  • That last brunette is awesome!

  • Matty Spinny

    so fucking sexy!!!

  • oranberry

    7/10 would bang
    2/10 would not bang
    8/10 (together) would bang (together)
    8/10(a) would bang..twice; 4/10 would buy a razor/paper bag and gift it to her
    5/10 would bang (no eye contact)
    8.5/10 would bang
    10/10 would bang, possibly date (assuming it doesn't talk)

  • Like Utopia Armoury on Facebook :)
    Check out photos from the Legend of Zelda fashion show!

  • Guest

    I become crazy to watch the above pictures of that girls. They all looks hot and sexy in her pictures. The bikini which they wear is very unique and attractive.

  • p_shep

    First chic's got a crackin' rack though.

  • Michael Jones

    Time to magnetize my tongue.


    Have fun in the sun with metal on you... so pointless

  • Actually, it doesn't get hot at all. If the top were made out of a single piece of metal, it would retain the heat and burn like the fires of a thousand suns. But because they're made out of a bunch of tiny pieces of metal, they don't really retain heat at all.

  • 69sofine

    Totally ineffective for combat. These chain mails are useless.

  • Galia Godel

    Well, they are swim safe. So that's fairly useful, I'd say.

  • Michael Braedley

    "nothing can be seen through the weave"

    Challenge accepted

  • Israel Navas Duran

    So what if you can see a square inch of skin? are you going to be able to diagnose a skin cancer? a breast tumor?

  • Those are very awesome! - saving up the money now!

  • I can't afford one, but I want one - so I can go all Red Sonia on my boyfriends ass. And scare the neighbours. And any one else. RAWWWR!

  • wont it pinch?

  • Not at all. Some of the rings are rubber, so there is good stretch without seeing through.

  • Ed

    Maybe that's why there are no bottoms. The dangly bits would get caught in there?

  • Bottoms are kinda iffy. Taking measurements gets crazy personal and people fluctuate in size pretty often. They're possible to make, it's just not really a recommended buy.

blog comments powered by Disqus
Previous Post
Next Post