I Demand You Return Its Planetary Status, DO IT NOW: Astronomers Discover Fifth Moon Orbiting Pluto

July 12, 2012


Astronomers recently announced that they've identified a fifth moon orbiting Pluto, a discovery that solidifies in my mind that the dwarf planet is in fact a REGULAR planet, despite my having zero concept of the credentials required for full planetary status. You want to know what I do know though? That's it's f***ed up when you call a thing something for so long, then go and change it on them. Isn't that right, Ruffles? I SAID ISN'T THAT RIGHT, RUFFLES? See? Ruffles is my dog Chloe's new name. She's 12 but I just changed it a week ago. I'M JOKING I WOULD NEVER DO THAT, I only used this as an example to prove a point. You hurt that planet's feelings, @$$holes. Now it's out there confused and cocking it's head trying to understand what it did wrong.

Thanks to David L, who's been running an online petition to restore Pluto's planetary status even though everybody knows online petitions don't do ANYTHING except get conceptual LEGO sets considered for manufacture.

  • nathaniel

    5 moons

  • YES SIR! Bing back my favorite planet! It was a stupid idea to take a vote to remove the title. Also PEW PEW PEW!!!!

  • Arvin Khachadoorian

    In order for an objject to be a planet it needs to achieve three main criteria. Pluto meets two of the three. The one it hasn't met is that it hasn't cleared its orbit, which basically means it has a lot of junk in its path. The definition of a planet has been revised a couple times and pluto doesnt meet the latest one.

  • Ed

    It's still a planet. Those asshole astronomers think they own the universe. Well guess what, you don't! It's still a planet and I'm just as right as they are, even if my view is less popular. And by the way Uranus is actually called Minerva . . . seriously how did they miss that one when they named it?

  • It was originally going to be named George. Really.

  • Nik Kozomara

    What about the thousands of other objects that are in the same orbit as Pluto and have moons, should they be planets too? The amount of ignorance on a site with the word geek in it is frightening.

  • Ed

    YES they should be planets. It's stupid to say they can't be because there would be too many. The more the merrier.

  • Post_Nazi

    Incorrect. The main reason they aren't planets is because based on their size, their gravity probably prevents them from crushing into a round shape. So most look like skipping stones. Scientists aren't known for their "close enough!" mentality.

  • MisterUnderhill

    That's no moon, that's... ah, never mind.

  • ZomBBombeR

    Yeah GW I'm in the same boat of having no clue what makes a planet a planet and so on but I totally agree Pluto deserves it's planetary status back, it has five moons for christs sake how many do you have fancy scientist??? none! exactly what I thought, but just maybe they'll find it in their tiny little calculated hearts to say well a moon can't have moons so it must be a planet right right?

  • It is strange not having Pluto as a planet, but it was declassified because of it's size and irregular orbit...not by how many moons it has.


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