Feeling Gassy?: Anti-Poot Pads For Your Underwear

June 29, 2012


Note: Pads are actually worn INSIDE underwear. Also: is that a man or a woman?

I remember posting the patent for these things way back in 2007 when you and I were still wearing diapers. And now, in 2012, they're a real product you can buy and stuff down the back of your underwear so it doesn't smell so bad when you bust ass. I think they should make them for dogs.

The Flatulence Deodorizer is an activated charcoal cloth pad that is worn taped inside the underwear next to the buttocks. The wearer is virtually unaware of its presence because it thin and comfortable inside the undergarment. The activated carbon cloth pad is disposable so you can throw it away after use.

When intestinal gas is expelled the flatulence filter pad absorbs the gas odor normally associated with the gassy discharge or flatus. The flatulence deodorizer is like having on charcoal underwear and will eliminate your gas odors. There is no cure for flatulence but this is a simple solution for absorbing odor at the source.

Oh, there's a cure for flatulence alright, it's called HOLDING IT. Plus it strengthens your butt muscles. Just kidding, it causes a buildup of gas inside your guts until you spontaneously combust. The seller warns though that their pads will only work with tighty-whitey style underwear and other close-fitting drawls and NOT boxers. If you bust ass in boxers wearing a pooty pad the stink is gonna sneak around the sides and still go everywhere. Unless -- UNLESS -- you tape the pad right between your buttcheeks. Or, even better, wad it up into a little ball AND JAM IT RIGHT UP YOUR STINKING @$$HOLE.

Thanks to ruby, who assured me girls don't poot which I already knew but is nice to have reconfirmed. And to Birknasty, who birks like, the nastiest.

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