Squeaky Clean: Portable Bidet Attaches To Any Bottle

May 10, 2012

portable-bidet.jpg

Been to southern Europe? Congratulations, you've probably used a bidet. Live in America? "Damn yeah I am -- those Europeans are weird!" (Says the guy who doesn't wipe or wash his hands after going to the bathroom). This is the Hygienna Solo portable bidet nozzle that can attach to a bottle so you can clean your whistle on the go (whistle = b-hole, FYI). Want to smell like roses down there? Well too bad, but I guess you could smell like grapes if you slapped that bad boy on a wine bottle. Just kidding, the bottle has to be squeezable. Me? I like my butt SPARKLING so I'm gonna attach mine to a milk jug full of bleach. You know what the best part about the design is though? Convincing your friends it's a water fountain so they can share your bottle without spreading germs. Little do they know just minutes ago it was your butthole taking a drink!

Thanks to Suzanne, who claims she knows a giant who got kicked out of Vegas for trying to use the fountains at the Bellagio as a bidet.

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