Skinny Jeans Are Bad For You (And Not Just Your Fashion)

May 23, 2012


In hipster-heartbreaking news, some doctors are now claiming that ultra-tight "skinny" jeans are causing leg-related health problems, and at least one really fantastic looking bulge in the front of a blogger's pants.

ABC recently interviewed Dr. Karen Boyle from Greater Baltimore Medical Center, who has recently seen cases of women suffering pain from wearing tight jeans. She explains:

"This disorder is called Miralsha Parasthetica and it's a disorder that occurs when one of the nerves that runs in the outer part of a thigh gets compressed. The pressure on it causes symptoms of tingling, numbness and pain in the outer part of the thigh."

According to Boyle, sufferers report a floating sensation--basically, because they can't feel their lower legs--along with pain in the thighs. Ouch. Unfortunately for women, the problem can be exacerbated by high heels, which cause the pelvis to tilt, increasing the pressure on the nerves in question.

For men, you risk increased nut temperatures (read: lower sperm count -- a good thing for you) and the risk of accidentally pushing a ball back up inside your abdomen and freaking out about it. The doctors suggest buying jeans with some lycra or stretchy fabric in them to prevent damage or, if you're from West Virginia like I am, only wearing sweatpants.

Thanks to Gavin, who doesn't wear skinny jeans because he's got a flat butt and thinks they're unflattering.

  • Dacia

    My legs may not work right anymore, but at least I look fabulous (:

  • Wow! Really? I think some people are just bloody jealous they cannot rock the skinny jeans like myself, so they had to make up some bizarre, obscure medical condition to hid the fact...WOW!!!

  • tarotdona

    those pants only look good when you're a size -2 anyways.


    stupid hipsters

  • Guest

    Let's not forget the high risk of instant wedgies. >:0

  • Sebastiann Elegant√© Neely

    Wow, first the eye-covering haircuts and now skinny jeans? poor emos and hipsters. They just can't get a break.

  • DTam

    Minor typo on that - the actual spelling of the disorder is "meralgia paresthetica"

  • gfelts

    This pleases me to all levels of satisfaction and beyond!

  • Nathan Taylor

    lol, this, coupled with the thing about hair covering one eye, all the emo/hipsters are F'ed, big time

  • FlareHeart

    NO! Really?! Who would have ever thought that cutting off the circulation to (and putting too much pressure on) the nerves in your legs would cause problems? Not to mention wearing high heels...those are completely natural and awesome to wear right?

    *facepalm* Honestly people...get a grip.

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