Rocks Collected From Beach Set Woman's Pants On Fire

May 17, 2012

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Seen here looking suspiciously like a burnt steak and a half-eaten pickle, two of the seven beach rocks a 43-year old woman was carrying when her shorts caught fire await analysis to determine what caused them to spontaneously combust. I blame Poseidon. And I'm not just saying that because he doesn't let mermaids date humans, but that is a pretty dick move. THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHOOSE FOR THEMSELVES. *tosses amulet of water-breathing into the ocean like Rose at the end of Titanic*

Orange County Fire Authority officials tell the newspaper that the woman collected the rocks on a nearby beach, returned home and "was standing in her kitchen ... when the pocket of her cargo shorts caught fire."


"I talked to the paramedic who treated her, and in his 27 years in responding to calls near the beach, he's never seen this," Fire Authority Capt. Marc Stone told the Register. "The rocks were still smoking when firefighters took them to the hospital."

Now, they're being tested. It's possible, Stone said, that phosphorus in the stones may have caused the combustion.

Hoho -- the ol' phosphorus rock, flaming pocket trick. Man, I can't tell you how many enemy's peenors I've burnt off using the exact same tactic. You just sent them a couple phosphorus rocks to carry around with inspirational messages printed on them like 'SUCCESS' and 'HAPPINESS', and the next thing you know, WHOOSH, their balls are dripping down their pant legs.

Thanks to Melissa and rod, who agree this is exactly why parents should teach their children to never talk to strange rocks on the beach. Seashells either.

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