Emo Eye-Covering Haircuts Causing Lazy-Eye Epidemic

May 15, 2012


In news that shouldn't surprise anyone who's worn an eyepatch for a week straight pretending to be a pirate, doctors in Australia are now claiming a haircut that covers one of your eyes makes that eye lazy because it doesn't do anything but stare at your stupid hair all day long.

Optometrists Association of Tasmania education director Andrew Hogan warned that amblyopia, the medical term for lazy eye, can result from obstructed vision caused by hair.

"If a young emo chap has a fringe covering one eye all the time, that eye won't see a lot of detail," he said. "And if it happens from a young age, that eye can become amblyotic."

Want a cool emo haircut but not a lazy eye in ten years? Here's what you do: punch yourself in the face as hard as you can. Don't stop until you don't want the haircut anymore.

Thanks to bb, who agrees the best kind of haircuts are the ones that make your hair smell good. No? That's the shampoo and conditioner? I did not know that.

  • Erica Elizabeth Foote

    Uhh... this is a picture of ME from freshman year of high school?!?! Like 7 years ago?? Where did you get this picture and why are you using it without permission?... Also I do not - repeat, do not - have a lazy eye from any of my haircuts, thank you very much. I was born with a lazy eye actually, and I had to get surgery to fix it when I was five. And 16 years later, my eyes are still straight. Don't take pictures of people without their permission and put them in your pointless articles.

  • Bob

    Emo kids don't do anything anyway. How are you meant to determine that an eye is any lazier than the rest of their bodies?

  • John Whatmeworry

    Good God! I've been sayin' it. I've been sayin' it for ten damn years. Ain't I been sayin' it, Emo-Miguel? Yeah, I've been sayin' it. 

  • McGarnagle

    Haha, "young emo chap".

  • This pleases me. 
    Also i love the term "Lazy eye", it makes me imagine all sorts of things.

  • Joxer the mighty


  • Hehe, thank got I see less and less of these kids.

  • This is actually a myth. There's no evidence to substantiate that claim.

    I shouldn't say there isn't evidence. It's possible but in order for this to actually happen the eye would have to be covered 24/7 and receieve no stimuli what so ever.

  • So are you saying that the Optometrists Association of Tasmania is lying?

  • No, I just think they don't know exactly what they're talking about. I, in no way, profess to be a professional optometrist. But you can easily find many articles that denote this to be false.

  • And I can probably find many that says it's true. Meh!

  • Guest

     Who are you gonna call?


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