11-Year Old Ruins $36K In MacBooks WITH HIS URINE

May 1, 2012

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An 11-year old at Upper Allen Township Elementary in Pennsylvania pissed on a stack of 30 school-owned MacBooks, destroying an estimated $36,000 in computers. That...sounds like a pretty impressive stream. Even after six beers and no peeing I'd be lucky to ruin two computers. PSCHYE -- I COULD BRING DOWN AN ENTIRE WAREHOUSE FULL OF SERVERS AND STILL HAVE ENOUGH LEFT OVER TO WRITE MY NAME ON THE FLOOR.

In a report now bemusing Mac fan forums across the Internet, the Upper Allen Township Police Department states that "the cart and computers were damaged beyond repair, resulting in the loss of over $36,000."


For the crime of creating $36K in Apple biohazards, the boy in question was charged with institutional vandalism and criminal mischief. While the police spokesperson assures me that, contrary to some reports, the kid was not arrested, his case was forwarded to the Cumberland County Juvenile Probation Department.

Admittedly, I pee on things I shouldn't all the time. One time in the middle of the night I even woke up, opened a dresser drawer, and peed in it. Just kidding, that was my buddy Porterhouse Pete. He's the same one who got so drunk he thought he was in the bathroom but was actually pissing on the roommate's door who lived across the hall from the bathroom. That's when I opened the door and punched him.

Thanks to Lord Tarl, who could decimate an entire Apple Store easy.

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