11-Year Old Ruins $36K In MacBooks WITH HIS URINE

May 1, 2012


An 11-year old at Upper Allen Township Elementary in Pennsylvania pissed on a stack of 30 school-owned MacBooks, destroying an estimated $36,000 in computers. That...sounds like a pretty impressive stream. Even after six beers and no peeing I'd be lucky to ruin two computers. PSCHYE -- I COULD BRING DOWN AN ENTIRE WAREHOUSE FULL OF SERVERS AND STILL HAVE ENOUGH LEFT OVER TO WRITE MY NAME ON THE FLOOR.

In a report now bemusing Mac fan forums across the Internet, the Upper Allen Township Police Department states that "the cart and computers were damaged beyond repair, resulting in the loss of over $36,000."

For the crime of creating $36K in Apple biohazards, the boy in question was charged with institutional vandalism and criminal mischief. While the police spokesperson assures me that, contrary to some reports, the kid was not arrested, his case was forwarded to the Cumberland County Juvenile Probation Department.

Admittedly, I pee on things I shouldn't all the time. One time in the middle of the night I even woke up, opened a dresser drawer, and peed in it. Just kidding, that was my buddy Porterhouse Pete. He's the same one who got so drunk he thought he was in the bathroom but was actually pissing on the roommate's door who lived across the hall from the bathroom. That's when I opened the door and punched him.

Thanks to Lord Tarl, who could decimate an entire Apple Store easy.

  • Devin Wolfe

    shit smells better with piss apple is shit

  • That kid is just doing the right thing. The last thing this unstable education system needs are shitty fragile macbooks.

  • Andyman7714

    $36,000 loss because no one wants to clean the damn things. What a waste.

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  • .... I've spilled a shit ton of coffee on my mac-book keyboard with no damage. I fail to see how those are "ruined beyond repair", where they all powered on with the motherboard exposed?

  • artilleryboy

    They were urinated on. T hey are sort of a bio hazard now. They would have to be destroyed. 

  • Shaun9lives

    Urine is sterile.  You can drink it.  Ask Brad Pitt.  

  • westmclarenmerc

    It's not the urine itself thats the problem, it's the salt in the urine, the urine itself will dry up but in the mean time the currunt running through it, combined with the salt is very cosrosive and can destroy circuit paths.

  • artilleryboy

    Even if it is, its still disgusting and unhygienic. A school isn't going to give out laptops covered in urine.

  •  Have you seen what they feed kids in school? A little urine is the least of their problems.

  • artilleryboy

    so you would use a laptop covered in a kids piss

  • Shaun9lives

    That's what I was thinking.  My MBP has been extremely durable, despite my extreme klutziness.  Either this kid had a whole lot of piss and some pinpoint aim, or someone's just looking to get some new computers.  

  • $18922249

    You know... Microsoft could get some solid PR here by replacing the goods. 

  • Tim Cole

    wow $36,000 ? that's like.. 3 macbooks

  • Ickolith

    If you spend that much money on computers who's jobs are done just as well on far cheaper systems you deserve to have a kid piss all over them.

  • Azariel_z

    Maybe is a "How to be Hipster " School...

  • Now if it was Windows the damages would come out to around $1000

  • This_Update_Sucks

    I guess when it comes to Mac OS it's better pissed off than pissed on.

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