We're All Gonna Die!: Asteroid To Pass Near Earth Next February 15th (So Don't Go Crazy On Valentine's)

March 5, 2012


Sure you could argue 17,000-miles isn't actually that close, but everything is relative. Compared to the rest of space that's like the distance between your privates and b-hole. DANGEROUSLY CLOSE. Also, I don't trust NASA's calculations enough to believe there's not a chance this thing is gonna smash into us. And THAT, my friends, is why I just sold all my belongings and plan on living in my car until the world ends. "But I thought you didn't own anything." What the -- DO I LOOK LIKE A COMMIE TO YOU?

Astronomers say it will pass at a distance of 17,000 miles from the surface of the Earth - which is much closer to the ground than GPS and communications satellites orbit. In comparison, satellites that provide television and radio signals to the public orbit at an altitude of more than 22,000 miles. GPS satellites orbit at about 12,000 miles in altitude. The International Space Station orbits much closer - at a distance of about 225 miles.

Astronomer Phil Plait, author of Discover Magazine's Bad Astronomy blog, says the odds of an impact on February's pass are so low that there's no risk.

"Asteroid 2012 DA14 is almost certainly not going to hit the Earth next February. And by 'almost certainly,' I mean it: the odds of an impact are so low they are essentially zero. This does not rule out an impact at some future date, but for now we're safe," Plait said in a weekend blog entry.

Safe my ass -- we're as good as dead! We need to get Bruce Willis and the rest of the crew on that rock to blow it up for us pronto. And, I hope you know I'm being honest when I say this, but I don't care if they come back or not. "You're terrible!" Am I really? Or just capable of being honest with myself on a level your pseudo-morality prevents? "No, you're actually a terrible human being." *rips shirt revealing third tit* Who says I'm human?

No danger from asteroid's super close flyby -- this time [11alive]

Thanks to kyle and Brandon, who are already starting cults. Smart.

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