SPOILER, They Sucked: In-Depth Analysis Of The Phantom Menace Lightsaber Battles

March 19, 2012

phantom-menace-lightsaber-fights.jpg

Inb4 dammit Qui-Gon, you're swinging like a f***ing padawan!

This is a humorous video ("aim like a drunkard, jump like an idiot") showcasing some of the major lightsaber battles in The Phantom Menace and just how overly-cautious they were executed. Like, a lightsaber never comes withing like two feet of making contact. WTF! It's not like they were using real lightsabers. You could have hired me for these fight scenes and I'd have let you swing a wiffle-ball bat at my head FULL FORCE (plus killed myself after the movie came out). Make contact? No biggie -- I'm three-quarters retarded already! "I bet it's more like four-fifths." SEVEN-SIXTHS AND NOT A FRACTION HIGHER.

Hit the jump for the I've choreographed more realistic lightsaber battles in my living room.

The (Totally) Phantom Menace Dissects the Art of the Lightsaber Duel [obviouswinner]

Thanks to my buddy Terry, who has a lightsaber COLLECTION and swings them all around at night after getting drunk enough to actually attack himself.

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