SPOILER, They Sucked: In-Depth Analysis Of The Phantom Menace Lightsaber Battles

March 19, 2012


Inb4 dammit Qui-Gon, you're swinging like a f***ing padawan!

This is a humorous video ("aim like a drunkard, jump like an idiot") showcasing some of the major lightsaber battles in The Phantom Menace and just how overly-cautious they were executed. Like, a lightsaber never comes withing like two feet of making contact. WTF! It's not like they were using real lightsabers. You could have hired me for these fight scenes and I'd have let you swing a wiffle-ball bat at my head FULL FORCE (plus killed myself after the movie came out). Make contact? No biggie -- I'm three-quarters retarded already! "I bet it's more like four-fifths." SEVEN-SIXTHS AND NOT A FRACTION HIGHER.

Hit the jump for the I've choreographed more realistic lightsaber battles in my living room.

The (Totally) Phantom Menace Dissects the Art of the Lightsaber Duel [obviouswinner]

Thanks to my buddy Terry, who has a lightsaber COLLECTION and swings them all around at night after getting drunk enough to actually attack himself.

  • cuthbert51

    Wow. How impressive. Someone figured out how to pause their DVD player. What a technical achievement.

  • ForceIT

    I would love to see this guy rip on the original movies...

    man in iron lung Vs arthritic Jedi
    Return of Jedi with Luke's  skilled  "I HACK STUFF !" style
    Though really the AOTC yoda fight should be the worst.

  • havanother

    Also, what's up with all those huge holes they leave all over the place? It's a real health and safety issue. People are always falling down them - and they seem to go for miles. If they just whipped up some plywood covers countless lives could be saved. 

  • rikster81

    lets be quite honest return of jedi was the best dual, no wait empire strikes was the best, no wait a new hope was good also......see where I'm going

  • Bronto10000

    Note Darth Maul's black clothing and pink saber there. Now look at the top of this page. Hmmm... Look familiar?

  • JJtoob

    Without watching the video... I will say that the point is they over-used the light sabers anyway. I hope people saw Mr. Plinkett's reviews on Episodes I, II and III of Star Wars.

  • JJtoob

    But it's a pretty funny video :) now that I've watched it.

  • n11

    "Fuck Movies"

  • JJtoob

    Are you talking about pr0n?

  • I approve this toast

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