I'M SO READY: Mass Effect 3 Official Launch Trailer

March 2, 2012


"Each of you needs to be willing to die. Anything less...and you're already dead."

Mass Effect 3: it's coming out Tuesday, and I will be playing it. THAT DAY. I don't care if I end up alienating(!) every single one of my crewmates and wind up masturbating in the captain's quarters bathroom before the big battle, I WILL save earth. Oooooooor die trying. Probably die trying a couple times (on insanity). "OMG -- you're gonna take the rest of the week off after the game comes out and leave us high and dry, aren't you?!" That...yeah, that sounds realistic. Pew pew pew, I'm saving earth!

Hit the jump and get your earth-saving space-boner on.

Official Site

Thanks to cheze, I am Krogan! (yes!) and Sara, all of which promised to come over and help me get through the really hard parts.

  • musik_v_

    This makes me moist

  • Pentacost

    Awesome game, crappy, interchangeable, universally miserable and unsatisfying endings. Get ready for multi coloured space magic solving all problems, but causing new, even bigger ones, shed loads of autodialogue and a lack of player control or input, plot holes you could fly the Normandy through (and Joker infact does) and the game generally giving the finger to fans of the first two games.

    If you haven't played Mass Effect before, you'll love it, if you have, and are in this for the characters and their stories, bioware is about to troll you incredibly hard.

  • Taylor Rowland

    Why is that? i haven't heard much about the game itself and am about to spend $80 on the collector's edition. I'd like to know the facts first ^_^

  • Pentacost

    Spoilers Ho!

    Most dialogue is like in the demo, primarily without any imput from the player, slanted either Paragon or Renegade depending on which you have a larger reputation bar of. Once you get Ashley on your crew for example, you only get one conversation with the dialogue wheel if you didn't romance her. The rest is automated responses like Zaeed and Kasumi in ME2.

    The Reapers motives are incredibly dumb. Long story short, some ancient nutcase aliens built giant killer machines that periodically wipe out all organic life, to prevent machines being built that will wipe out all organic life.

    Jacob always cheats on Femshep and gets another woman pregnant, thane always dies, Udina gets indoctrinated and tries to kill he council, TIM gets indoctrinated, EDI is now a sexbot, you can try romancing Joker, and he turns you down because it would be unprefresional, then starts shagging Fembot EDI

    And the seven endings of Mass Effect 3:
    1) Red Space magic 1: Relays explode, The Citadel explodes, the Reapers stop killing and fall over, Normandy abandons you and runs away from battle, gets damaged by space magic, crashes and the crew gets trapped on an unknown planet, destined to descend into inbreeding, if recruited Tali and Garrus will starve to death, Shepard dies, Earth is annhilated.
    2) Red Space magic 2: Same as 1, but Earth is only badly damaged.
    3) Red Space magic 3: Same as 1, but Earth is ok.
    4) Red Space magic 4, the super secret golden ending: same as 3, but Shepard lives! Somehow!
    5) Blue Space magic 1: Same as 1, but with blue Space magic, The citadel doesn't explode, he Reapers just stop killing, not fall over, and Shepard is killed and absorbed into he Citadel to control the Reapers, but it's not really Shepard, more an AI their mind influences the programming of.
    6) Blue Space magic 2: Same as 5, but Earth is ok.
    7) Green space magic: Same as 1, but the green space magic is made by vaporising Shepard, and using his essence to magically make all organics a bit synthetic, and all synthetics a bit organic. Reapers stop killing and get organic bits. Earth is ok. This ending needs a perfect game to unlock.

    No happy endings for anyone! Joker is a tool! And we beat th Reapers with an 'I win' button! Yay!

  • Don't worry GW, I'll be right there along side o'you.
    "Sleep? WTF is that?"
    I'm soooo ready for this f-ing game, you cannot believe!
    In hindsight, I'm actually a little surprised Bioware was able to complete this in, hm, two years? Maybe a little more since ME2 dropped in '10. Hopefully the content won't take a nosedive like it did in Dragon Age 2. Hopefully.

    Get you're Redbull on, it's gonna be a looooong week...

  • Frankie Griffen

     SPOILER ALERT:  It's an even worse nosedive than DA2.

  • ButteredToast

    So excited for this game to come out! I loved the demo but wish it had been longer. They also didn't show any travel or space exploration parts of the game. Either way, my copy is reserved and my Tuesday is taken.

  • CelticCthulhu

    I want more Garrus pep talks.

  • artilleryboy


  • Shegs

    tell me when it comes out on steam... or at least doesn't NEED origin to play.

  • Frankie Griffen

     So, never?

  • Shegs

    suppose not.. bummer too, my Shep was a bad ass.

  • Frankie Griffen

    I'm not buying this one.  I miss when BioWare made interesting games.

  • monkeyspinach

    yeah and master chief is totally ripping off the guy from Doom

  • austin allen

    this is the biggest insult to the Halo universe i have ever seen. 


  • Markus Friebe

    It's not like Halo needed Mass Effect to insult it. It can do that to itself just fine.

  • Thomas Ramsey

    @Friebe agreed. Just because Halo used a full face visor doesn't mean that no one else can try their own spin on it. And imho the Mass Effect universe is putting Halo to shame.

  • M. Tate Pultro

    It's a fighter pilot in his ship. The next shot is of a human fighter flying among the Fleet of Badassery.

  • whats up with that picture, they are totally ripping off master chief

  • not first, but awsome.

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