Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Crime-Fighting Vigilantes, OR GATEWAY TO SATANISM?

January 18, 2012

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Want to watch an old-ass video of two speds with zero logic and even less knowledge of their source material trying to explain why the Ninja Turtles and other cartoons lead to the occult? Well you're in luck! Mr. Beard and Mr. Mullet are here to help explain how the Ninja Turtles are led by a rat named Splinter who uses white magic ("like in Star Wars") to battle black magic. Actually sounds like a positive message, right? WRONG. Because the use of ANY sort of magic is offensive to their Christian beliefs. What the -- the Ninja Turtles never used f***ing magic! They go on to denounce The Simpsons for a potentially gay character. What would Jesus do? NOT THIS. Also, for two guys who hate the Ninja Turtles so bad you sure bought the shit out of some merchandise. Damn, growing up I would have killed for a birthday party like that. "See?! That's the occult talking!" God, I was kidding bro. But I did try cutting my little brother and performing a ritual.

Hit the jump for four minutes of two dudes with secret anime fetishes.

Insane 1990s video equates the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with witchcraft [io9]

Thanks to DR Squibb and Lisa, who agree Teletubbies were the only real threat to Christianity.

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