Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Crime-Fighting Vigilantes, OR GATEWAY TO SATANISM?

January 18, 2012


Want to watch an old-ass video of two speds with zero logic and even less knowledge of their source material trying to explain why the Ninja Turtles and other cartoons lead to the occult? Well you're in luck! Mr. Beard and Mr. Mullet are here to help explain how the Ninja Turtles are led by a rat named Splinter who uses white magic ("like in Star Wars") to battle black magic. Actually sounds like a positive message, right? WRONG. Because the use of ANY sort of magic is offensive to their Christian beliefs. What the -- the Ninja Turtles never used f***ing magic! They go on to denounce The Simpsons for a potentially gay character. What would Jesus do? NOT THIS. Also, for two guys who hate the Ninja Turtles so bad you sure bought the shit out of some merchandise. Damn, growing up I would have killed for a birthday party like that. "See?! That's the occult talking!" God, I was kidding bro. But I did try cutting my little brother and performing a ritual.

Hit the jump for four minutes of two dudes with secret anime fetishes.

Insane 1990s video equates the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with witchcraft [io9]

Thanks to DR Squibb and Lisa, who agree Teletubbies were the only real threat to Christianity.

  • William Signs

    "Nightmares and graveyards and great fear." Sounds like the Bible.

  • William Signs

    WTF have they been smoking?!

  • ItWasAliens

    so. all of us 90's kids are probably gonna go to hell then huh? lol

  • that haircut was
    made from satan!

  • Indie Annajones

    What the fuck is wrong with Hinduism, god damn ignorant piece of shit. 

  • Ironically, they were right about one thing!  Michael Jackson Chocolate ... can I get an amen!?  Bet they see this video now and say, "aha!  We DID know what we were talking about with THAT one!"

  • Audwin Short

    HA HA!! This was just an excuse to play with toys so they wouldn't look like child-luring perverts... Although, the guy with the Mullet did creep me out talking about the little boys...

    Shortwave Industries: TMNT are awesome, and religious zealots are lame...

  • $18922249

    Two things...

    1) I bet their fucking heads exploded with what became "the future".

    2) Tax the motherfucking churches. 

  • Ninja turtles isn't anime....

  • First off-I wish I had all that stuff and feel like I have been negligent of my collections. Secondly, I really hope none of those guys have kids (unlikely, but still).

  • The only thing the TMNTs led me to was profit when I sold my 1st edition comics. Then I spent it all on college tuition - what a waste.

  • Fucking canadians

  • wow....

  • Homer's Gay secretary may refer to a second season episode entitled "Simpson and Deliah" where, after growing hair, Homer gets promoted and has a gay secretary named Karl.

  • Adam Black

    I am a pastor at a church. I find this to be absolutely ridiculous. Whatever happened to just having imagination and fun? I LOVED the ninja turtles and beat the crap out of my brother with nunchucks. We turned out alright.

  • Turned out alright? You became a pastor, dude.

  • "Nudlsepp," ladies and gentlemen. Pretentious judgmental hypocritical intolerant uncivilized self-centered fallacious maladjusted douchebag who insults another person's life work to their face without the slightest provocation, only because (i suppose) the combination of internet anonymity and a total lack of basic manners makes him/her feel entitled to spout his uninformed opinions for seemingly no reason other than to be spiteful.
    Don't suppose you have anything to contribute to society other than negativity and insufferable undeserved smugness? If you have some problem with organized religion then do something to help people better, instead of thinking your vitriol is somehow preferable than trying to help people (even if you don't believe in his method of doing so -- at least he's doing as he believes will). 
    "You will not be remembered by what you can destroy, but by what you can build."  -- Barack Obama
    What good do you bring to the world? Prejudice? Nice, but sorry to say we already have more of that than we need.

  • Abraham Avila

    Daniel, in what way did what Nudlsepp say seem offensive? If anything it was a gesture of positivity. It may come off as the other way, he might have even meant it. Not only did the pastor become just "alright", he became a pastor, so good for him. One of the several derogatory words you use is "hypocritical". So instead of calling other people douchebags that should build instead of destroy, why don't you try to do that yourself firs?

  • Sebastien Michael Mansfield

    I blame SOPA for this. 

  • Sebastien Michael Mansfield

    Oh dear god.

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