You're Gonna Die: Zombie Survival Kit In A Bottle

December 5, 2011


This is the Zombie Bottle, a zombie apocalypse survival kit in a shotgun bottle. The kit contains a 6" braining spike, ear plugs (because why would you want to hear them coming?), a wound cleansing kit, two band-aids, a chocolate candy and a now-broken bottle. $15 gets you two kits, effectively doubling your chances of survival to almost 5%.

Official Product Site

Thanks to Chris, whose zombie apocalypse survival plan consists entirely of tying other peoples' shoe laces together.

  • Fun to have around... but as many users have posted, not very practical or effective against the Z's

  • Blake Taylor

    wow i hope the guy who thought of this is the first to go

  • RDarker

    Zombies I can handle. It's the explosion of 1,000+ member gangs, escaped convicts, psychopaths,  serial killers, raiders, and rapists in the apocalyptic aftermath. But, best of all cannibals. 

    Zombies I can deal with.

  • Lauren

    Breaking the bottle will attract attention, unless you're smart enough to wrap it in a coat or something beforehand to muffle the sound. The bottle and the spike are close quarters weapons. Using them will most likely result in you getting bitten unless you're a specially trained close combat specialist. Like someone else said, you'll become a zmobie (intentional spelling) anyway, so you may as well suck back on the chocolate and enjoy the last pleasure before you turn into a flesh devouring maggot factory

  • This is the worst zombie survival kit I've ever seen. It would be more useful if it contained beer.
    My zombie apocalypse plan is to kill myself as painlessly as possible and be the sexiest zombie in town.

  • Guest

    To me this kit seems better fitting for something like a vampire. For any zombie apocalypse all I need is my boom stick.

  • The real way this works is by weeding out those not deserving to survive the attack- Survival of the fitness (and smartest) ya know.

  • Wow, two hand to hand combat weapons in one crappy present.  Have fun getting turned.  I will greet you with a shotgun blast when you come stumbling past moaning about brains.

  • I think I'd rather take my chances with the mobile zombie safe house.

  • Guest

    Between this thing, the mobile zombie safe house and zombie attack Barbie...yeah I think we're all dead!

  • Adam Stachowiak

    That spike is just a long nail.
    Wearing earplugs will allow the zombies to sneak up on you easier.
    You can't treat a zombie bite, and you will become a zombie regardless.
    Broken bottles are shitty weapons.

    ..... Chocolate's cool I guess.

  • Nailed it...or spiked it.

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