Professors Want To Create New Calendar Where Dates Always Fall On Same Day Of The Week

December 29, 2011

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Two professors (astrophysics and applied economics) at John Hopkins University have developed a calendar that allows every date to have a permanently synched day of the week on which it falls. Personally, I'm okay with this. Anything that makes my life simpler, I'm done for. "Beat you in the head with a sock full of quarters until you're a vegetable?" Hmmmm....tell you what: make me a fruit instead and you've got yourself a deal.

Every third month on the new calendar would have 31 days, with the rest of the months having 30, for a total of 364 days. They would drop the quadrennial 366-day leap years entirely in favor of an extra week at the end of December every five or six years.


The pair say their calendar is different from other alternative calendars proposed in the past because it keeps each week at seven days.

"All of the major (other calendars) have involved breaking the seven-day cycle of the week, which is not acceptable to many people because it violates the Fourth Commandment about keeping the Sabbath Day," Henry says. "Our version never breaks that cycle."

Pretty cool, right? Yeah, except when they decide to make my birthday always fall on a f***ing Monday BECAUSE THAT'S JUST MY LUCK. I swear, my life is cursed. No lie -- when I was wiping this morning my finger actually tore through the toilet paper. I touched my own butthole, man.

Professors' proposed calendar synchronizes dates with days [cnn]

Thanks to Evil Ares, who proposed a calendar where you have to sacrifice at least 40 virgins at dusk or the sun will never rise the next day. Get it? Because he's so evil.

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