You're Cooking My Meat!: Wi-Fi Destroys Sperm

November 30, 2011

wifi-sperm-killer.jpg

As a guy who spends 10+ hours a day with a laptop resting on his already unimpressive genitals, this is pretty serious news. Kidding, I can't have children. Get it? Women just find me so unattractive! I touched a titty one time but it was a friend of my older sister and I think she just felt bad for me. Plus she had this giant f***ing mole on her neck with a FOREST of black hair growing out of it so she wasn't exactly a fairytale princess herself. Wi-Fi: it's frying your sperms, homey.

The study, published in the journal Fertility and Sterility, collected sperm samples from 29 healthy men, aged 26 to 45. Each of the samples were then separated into two pots.


One set of samples was placed beneath a laptop connected to the internet via Wi-Fi as it downloaded information, while the other set was stored under identical conditions - including temperature - but away from the computer.

Around 25 per cent of the sperm in samples exposed to the laptop stopped swimming compared with 14 per cent of those kept away from the computer.

Similarly around nine per cent of the sperm exposed to the laptop showed DNA damage compared with three per cent in the control samples.

Whatever, I'm tired of caring. Everything is either killing you or destroying your nuts, okay? Especially if it's fun or you enjoy doing it. Except sex. Sex is actually healthy. What's wasn't healthy was the time I was putting the toilet seat down and sitting simultaneously and accidentally crushed my peen between the seat and bowl. IT MADE F***ING SOUNDS. Like Rice Crispies right after you add milk.

Wi-Fi laptops may damage sperm [yahoonews]

Thanks to Ramen, who, of all people, I would trust to know about noodles.

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