Totally Applying: NASA Hiring New Astronauts

November 15, 2011


Look at this picture. You know what these guys have in common? They're all white BUT REALLY, REALLY TAN. Plus astronauts. And now NASA is hiring new ones. Want to apply with me? I need your clean urine. Here -- just soak this pair of underwear and I'll wring it out when they send me into the bathroom with a cup.

NASA will recruit its next astronaut class through the federal government's website.

The class of 2009 was the first astronaut class to graduate in a new era of space flight following the final mission of the space shuttle. A new fleet of human spacecraft is in development by commercial companies to deliver crews to the International Space Station. NASA also is developing spacecraft to send humans on missions of exploration far away from our planet.

These new astronauts will advance research aboard the space station to benefit life on Earth and develop the knowledge and skills needed for longer flights to explore the solar system.

Man, I wanna explore the solar system. I keep having these dreams where I'm an astronaut whose nose is itching so I take off my helmet to scratch it and start suffocating. Then I wake up and have like two seconds to wrestle my roommate off me before he finishes smothering me with a pillow. Jesus, Derek, if you're gonna try to kill me can you at least do it with pants on? I refuse to go out smothered by a naked man.

NASA Kicks Off Application Process For New Astronauts [nasa]

Thanks to pirhan, who, instead of applying, is gonna get facial reconstructive surgery to look like someone who did get accepted, then knock them out and take their place the day before a mission. I like the way you think.

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