Satanic Internet Hookup Gone Wrong (Or Right?!)

November 10, 2011


Guys: they're always trying to hookup with the ladies. Me? I don't have to try, I get enough. "Heeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeee." UGH. Really, hand -- in front of all my friends?! One more outburst like that and I'm gonna touch the oven. Enter a sad and lonely 19-year old Arizonian who met a girl online, then took a bus to Milwaukee to partake in a satanic threesome. It...ended poorly. Dude's still alive though, so we can all have a laugh. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WTF were you thinking?! "I wasn't, my penis was." I know, that was meant to be rhetorical. Rebecca Chandler (left) and Raven "Scarlett" Larrabee (right), the Milwaukee roommates who were arrested last week for allegedly binding our Arizonan friend (whom Chandler had met online) and stabbing and slashing him "in excess of 300" times. According to Chandler, the sex and stabbing were both consensual, but "got out of hand" (at least, the stabbing did).

Chandler also says that Larrabee did "the majority of" the cutting, and that Larrabee was "involved in satanic or occult activities"; in their apartment, the cops found a bunch of books that sounds like they were purchased at the local Hot Topic, including The Necromantic Ritual Book and The Werewolf's Guide to Life (not to mention "[p]aperwork... described by police as the '7 Pentacles' of planets).

WOW. Did you even ask to see pictures before Greyhounding your ass to Wisconsin? Because if you did and they sent something similar to these AND YOU STILL WENT, well, you deserved everything that happened and shouldn't be allowed to press charges. Just look at those faces, bro -- of course they're gonna f***ing stab you!

Satanic Sex Ritual Threesome Not as Awesome as It Sounds [gawker]

Thanks to SaraDevil, who...wait a minute -- please tell me you're not into this sort of thing.

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