Just Like Turtles!: The Mobile Zombie Safehouse

November 22, 2011


Note: Full-res, easier-to-read version of the pamphlet HERE.

This is the Vagabond, a conceptual mobile shelter and winner of Bustler's annual Zombie Apocalypse Safe House competition. It's based on the shell of an armadillo and NOT a turtle, which would have been an even winning-er design. Back me up, Michelangelo. "Pass the bong." *nervous laughter* You mean this VASE?

It has reflective camouflage on the outside, allowing it to blend in with its environment, and it features photovoltaic cells that can provide heat, boil water, and charge electronic devices.

The Vagabond also has a wind-powered ventilator, a water filtration system, and an iPhone-compatible tracking device. It doesn't move under its own power, but it folds up, slinky-style, so you can carry it as a backpack.

I mean, the concept of a mobile shelter is cool, I'm just not sure how I'd feel with nothing between me and the zombies but a lightweight shell. Actually, I do know how I'd feel: like a sitting duck. And speaking of sitting ducks -- you ever seen a squatting goose before? I have. MOTHER Goose. She was pissing in the woods like a savage!

Vagabond Mobile Safe House Device [zombiesafehouse]
Portable Zombie Safe House of the Day [geeks.thedailwh.at]

Thanks to Jessi, Melissa, noemail, and Andy, who agree the safest house during the zombie apocalypse is God's house. Get it? Like a church -- holy water kills zombies! "You're thinking of vampires." Shhhhhhhhh -- I don't like a lot of readers.

  • Angela Day

    Ok I want it, but not for zomebies but just for one of my homeless friends or the Gods forbied me!

  • Yay, i bet as everyone is hiding in these wanabe shelters some idiot is going to run around like an idiot going rambo.

  • Neat concept (if it were at all practical), but sadly the designer is an idiot. This has nothing to do with "social darwinism", not to mention curved surfaces produce "a divergent reflective sun rays" the light is far easier to see...notice how stealth aircraft have no curved surfaces. There are several other issues but why bother. This fool can't even spell!

  • What's up with the iPhone? No brochure is complete without a random smartphone with a nonsense interface?

  • SilentSirenn

    It did say that there is a tracking device in the MSHD, the iPhone is an example of what it would look like when using the app to find other MSHDs. 

  • What's

  • Yup.... first thing I noticed, you need a way to see outside. As I see this as a oh shit I am fucked last ditch effort, you definitely need to be able to move once the major threat has passed. But will zombies just pass or will they gather around? Also, I'd think the exhaust port would also let out the smell of human, attracting nearby zombies to stand around and probably start beating on your little safety shell.

    I'd rather put my money on good cardio, athletics, and acrobatics for getting to hard to reach places, a la Oblivion...

  • So as soon as ANYTHING happens and the surface stops being reflective and the zombies notice this big shell in their path making a lot of noise ( Tornado ) and shining light at them ( Divergent rays = More zombies notice the light ) on top of the people inside talking/moving, shit goes down and we get eated. Also "Just 3 minutes" I can run quite far away in 3 minutes, and that is more than enough time to grab a gun, grab a water bottle, put shoes on and leave the house/current bugged out building.

  • I agree, what if zombies decide to "settle down" for the night around you? I rather go to Costco, barricade the entrances with as many cars/carts as I can. There're enough food/water for a whole year +. The walls is concreted. Cart's metal act like steel wires as they tangled and with heavy weight behind it. There plenty of room for any activity such as tartget shooting practice. BTW, there's one less than 2 min. from my place.

  • Holy Fu*king Crap! This is a AWESOME IDEA!!!!

  • msilvagarcia

    Am I the only one wodering how this thing generates the energy, since it reflects UV radiation?

  • Robin Manford

    No toilet.  So in the event of a zombie apocalypse we're supposed to huddle under a tin foil tent and slowly die surrounded by our own faeces?  I guess that makes sense.  If I was hiding from zombies protected only by this stupid thing, my trousers would very soon be so full of poop I'd look like a sewage version of MC Hammer.

  • Frédéric Purenne

    What prevents zombies from hearing/smelling/beating-the-shit-out-of-the-shelter/eating-your brain?

  • Mike Saunders

    Flimsy shelter needs a periscope 

    EDIT: i was beaten to it :(

  • stevebrt

    Definitely needs a periscope

  • n11

    That's pretty... genius. I thought it was another bowser-shell at first.

  • This_Update_Sucks

    It's a fold-out tent. THESE AREN'T NEW PEOPLE.

  • I have to admit... the dome shape, silver reflective surface, and lack of any real protection reminds me of one thing.


    Dinner is served.

  • This_Update_Sucks

    Oh you're good.

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