Fake Doctor Arrested For Performing Bootleg Butt Implants Of Cement, Super Glue, Tire Sealant

November 21, 2011


Please tell me that's not the look you were going for.

Seen here looking like he's about to shit a beach ball, self-proclaimed doctor Oneal Ron Morris poses for his mugshots. Oneal was recently arrested in Miami for performing $700 butt implants consisting of quick-setting cement, super glue, mineral oil and Fix-A-Flat tire sealant. You know, because that's what you put in an ass. Unless it's mine. This ass is Sharpies only.

[Police Seargant William] Bamford said that the procedure was conducted not in a clinic, but in a residential setting in Miami Gardens, and that shortly after the substance was injected into the woman's body she developed what Bamford termed "severe complications."

"[A] short time later, she develops very serious pains, abdomen, throughout her body," Bamford told ABC affiliate WPLG. "She knows something's wrong."

I'm sorry, but I'm really having a hard time feeling sorry for the patient. You really should have known "something's wrong" WHEN YOU AGREED TO PAY $700 TO BABY-GOT-BACK HERE FOR ASS IMPLANTS INJECTED IN HIS LIVING ROOM. I don't care if he told you it was all sterile silicone or whatever, DID YOU SEE HIS ASS? There's no way he can even sit on a toilet seat without rolling off! You have no right to complain. What you do have is an ass that's gonna have to be chiseled off with a jackhammer.

Man Arrested for Boosting Butts With Cement, Fix-A-Flat [abcnews]

Thanks to daniel and Alex, who don't inject asses with anything except flavor marinade. And to Terry, who's convinced somebody injected his ass with cottage cheese while he was sleeping.

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