Evil Scientists Engineer Deadlier Version Of Bird Flu

November 29, 2011


Because what good is science if you can't use it to kill a whole lot of people, evil doctors have successfully genetically modified the avian flu to be much, much deadlier. *coughing* OH GOD I HAVE IT, DON'T I?! I have been peeing a lot of blood...

Inside a Dutch medical facility is a potentially devastating weapon that could kill millions: A genetically modified version of the H5N1 bird flu, engineered to be easily transmitted among ferrets. And the researchers who figured out how to do it would like to share their work with the world.

This is a terrifying prospect...Virologists have thought avian flu could not adapt to mammals easily because it would require drastic changes to the virus' genetic makeup, which might make it unable to reproduce. But Fouchier says his work proves this is untrue.

"I can't think of another pathogenic organism that is as scary as this one," [National Security Advisory Board on Biosecurity chair Paul] Keim told Science Insider. "I don't think anthrax is scary at all compared to this."

Wonderful news, really. I mean, why SHOULDN'T scientists be trying to engineer an avian flu that's easily transmittable to mammals? It just makes good sense. Cure cancer? Maybe later, we're still trying to figure out how to give humans cat AIDS.

Should a New Recipe for Engineered Bird Flu, Potent Enough to Kill Millions, Be Published? [popsci]

Thanks to Drew, Tony, krakow and Robina, who agree scientists should be less time creating a deadlier bird flu and more time reverse-engineering dinosaurs from chickens. Amen to that!

  • William Samuel

    I've seen how this turns out. Everyone start heading for Boulder.

  • Loftydreamer

    Is it that time of year again already? How long before the news outlets pick this up and run with it to drum up viewership? There is a point where informative crosses into inflammatory.

    This sort of science really is meant for closed doors in my opinion, until it warrants one of two announcements.

    This really nasty virus is spreading, please comfort loved ones and pray, or we finally beat this really nasty virus so chalk up another win for science.

  • listen up: the reason why they developed this avian flu is to check whether or not this flue is capable of causing a¬†pandemia amongst the human kind. Now they can test this in a controlled environment. This is important cause the mutations in the DNA of the virus is now manmade, although these mutations could easily occur in nature overtime.

    What I'm trying to say is; yes the Dutch are AWESOME (for many many reasons, one of them; I am one) second of all; maybe they should've kept quiet 'bout this development. Just sayin'..

  • westmclarenmerc

    First of all...

    I feel so bad for being Dutch rigjt now...

    And second...


  • WTF?

  • Azariel_z

    now to negotiate the antidote...

  • jaime_arg

    DON'T PUBLISH YOUR RESULTS! How can they be so stupid after so many years of education?

  • Jessica Hopper

    This is what's going to cause the zombie apocalypse.

  • Guest

    In short:
    Don't f*ck with the Dutch!
    You get it Greece?? Taking our money and not paying is a baddddd idea.

  • inconspicuous

    ...Hmm... the money powers have indeed been looking for a way to drastically reduce the world's population for a long time now... could those evil men be the same ones funding this despicable research?

  • Theodyn

    Good lord... I don't know what troubles me more, that someone actually DID this or that they're debating whether or not they should publish the 'How To' manual!

  • Can I come live on the Emerald Grove when the bird flu apocalypse comes? Seems peaceful there!

  • Theodyn

    Absolutely, dude... we have birds, but no bird flu! ;)

  • I'm sure there's something to say for understanding how something is made, in order to reverse-engineer a cure... but I just can't see that applying here. These guys are totally mad scientists in the Frankenstein sense.

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