Getting Bombed: 'The Football' Party Briefcase

October 21, 2011


'The Football' is the nickname given to the briefcase containing the protocol and authorization codes for launching a nuclear offensive that's always carried by one of the president's nearby aides (Wikipedia article HERE). Except for this one. This one's filled with a party. Or, truthfully, more of a pre-party (those are only 375ml bottles!). The contents:

  • 1 pair of handcuffs with 2 keys
  • Engraved plaque, personalized with 2 lines of text
  • 375 ml Patron Tequila
  • 375 ml Grey Goose Vodka
  • 10 Advil tablets
  • 24 Tums Extra Strength chewable tablets
  • (4) 2 oz Red Bull energy shots
  • .37 oz tin of Altoids
  • 0.5 oz of Bausch & Lomb eye drops
  • 1 wine bottle opener
  • 1 deck of cards
  • 5 dice
  • 350 ml Martini shaker
  • 4 shot glasses

Unfortunately, the damn thing costs $500. Now I didn't do the math (I took a shot instead), but I imagine I could put a similar party-pack together for under $100, which is STILL too much. *tink tink tink* You hear that? JanSport full of warm beer cans, baby!

Product Site
The Football [thrillist]

Thanks to Jody, who knows you don't need a bunch of overpriced garbo to party hard, just a willingness to regret tonight, tomorrow. And to Bella Meow, who agrees the best way to not regret is to not remember. Haha, the ol' "beat your head on a nightstand as soon as you wake up" trick! It works, it really does.

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