That's A Start!: Guy Tries Turning Doodoo Into Gold, Sets Apartment Block On Fire

October 20, 2011


Because get-rich-quick schemes have officially hit rock bottom, a man from Northern Ireland was recently arrested after his doodoo-into-gold experiments set his apartment block on fire. Smooth move, Rumpelshitskin.

It is thought that as part of the bizarre experiment Moran left his faeces, along with other waste products such as fertiliser, on a heater.

In his ruling Judge McFarland told Moran: "Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human faeces and waste products.

"It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist's dream, but wasn't going to succeed."

Moran's barrister mentioned that his client was a man of 'considerable intellectual ability' but that he had problems battling drug abuse.

Ah yes, the ol "considerable intellectual ability" and battling drug abuse combo. That's a rough one, folks. Just imagine: one day you're being all smart and solving equations and the next YOU'RE HEATING YOUR OWN SHIT UP ON THE STOVE TRYING TO MAKE GOLD. That's the same stove you use for Ramen! Drugs are bad, folks. "Um, GW -- what's in the pot?" Would you believe me if I said gumbo?

Man jailed after trying to turn faeces into gold [yahoonews]

Thanks to Sean, who's smart enough to know you can't turn your own doodoo into gold, you have to use somebody else's!

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