Meh: The iPhone 4S, It's Faster Or Something

October 4, 2011


So Apple announced the new improved iPhone today, the iPhone 4S. Because I have absolutely zero interest in paraphrasing product features (what is this, a tech blog?), let's make this a quickie, shall we? $20 up front and I don't take checks. $30 and I'll let you call me names.

  • features iPad 2's dual-core A5 CPU with dual-core graphics card, allegedly 7x faster than iPhone 4 on games, 2x on actual worky stuff
  • runs on HSPA+ networks, allowing download ups to 14.4Mbp/s versus old 7.2Mbp/s
  • 8-megapixel camera versus 5mp on the iPhone 4, can acccumulate 73% more light for candid shots in strip clubs
  • shoots 1080p video for clearer homemade sex tapes (bro your ass is hairy)
  • 8-hours battery life talk time on 3G, 10 on 2G, 14-hours on video playback. 6-hours 3G web surfing, 10 Wi-Fi
  • New trouble-free antennae
  • "Siri the Secretary" feature allows voice commands like "set an alarm tomorrow for 11AM", "what's the weather?" as well as reading text messages, play music, etc. etc.
  • 16, 32 and 64GB models $199, $299 and $399 (with contract)
  • Available on AT&T, Verizon and Sprint, October 14th

There you have it. Personally, I'm cool with my regular-ass iPhone 4 for now, but when I smash it to shit in a drunken rage (and it WILL happen), I'll inevitably spring for the 4S. It's called the product life cycle folks, it's cyclical. "No, it's actually not." Haha, can you believe I have an MBA?

New Apple iPhone 4S: All the Information Updating Live [gizmodo]

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