Ancient Cthulhu/Kraken Made Self Portraits?

October 11, 2011


According to a recent abstract presented to the Geological Society of America, paleontologist Mark McMenamin suggests that a giant ancient cephalopod drew pictures of its own tentacled arms using the bones of its prey. And you know what? It sounds just crazy enough to believe. Also: the homeless guy that hangs out by the laundromat that told me the government watches him through his beer can. THEN SWITCH TO BOTTLES, DUMMY!

We hypothesize that the shonisaurs were killed and carried to the site by an enormous Triassic cephalopod, a "kraken," with estimated length of approximately 30 m, twice that of the modern Colossal Squid Mesonychoteuthis. In this scenario, shonisaurs were ambushed by a Triassic kraken, drowned, and dumped on a midden like that of a modern octopus. Where vertebrae in the assemblage are disarticulated, disks are arranged in curious linear patterns with almost geometric regularity. Close fitting due to spinal ligament contraction is disproved by the juxtaposition of different-sized vertebrae from different parts of the vertebral column. The proposed Triassic kraken, which could have been the most intelligent invertebrate ever, arranged the vertebral discs in biserial patterns, with individual pieces nesting in a fitted fashion as if they were part of a puzzle. The arranged vertebrae resemble the pattern of sucker discs on a cephalopod tentacle, with each amphicoelous vertebra strongly resembling a coleoid sucker. Thus the tessellated vertebral disc pavement may represent the earliest known self‑portrait.

Pfft, you call that a self portrait? My four-year old could make a better self portrait and my balls haven't even made him yet. Think about that! "Your balls? No thank you." Haha, you were close though.

Giant prehistoric krakens may have sculpted self-portraits using ichthyosaur bones [io9]

Thanks to Carillon and Mike, who're convinced there's a much more logical answer: it's a map to Atlantis left by an ancient race of superintelligent beings. Exaaaaaclt-- wait, WHAT?!

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