Oh, Real Mature!: Branded Condom Slogans

September 26, 2011


These are a bunch of brand slogans that, when presented on condom wrappers (not unlike the ones I find all over the sidewalk when I'm walking the dogs) suddenly become double entendres. Magical, I know. Inevitable follow-ups:

  • Pork. The Other White Meat. -- National Pork Board
  • You're in good hands with Allstate (but why am I wearing a condom?). -- Allstate
  • Taking Care of Business. -- Office Depot
  • When it absolutely, positively, has to be there overnight (even though you wish you could ask them to leave). -- Fed Ex
  • So easy a caveman can do it. (God, and they do too -- probably more than anyone else EXCEPT THEY NEVER WRAP IT UP) -- GEICO
  • I'm lovin' it. -- McDonald's
  • M'm! M'm! Good! -- Campbell's Soup
  • It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken. -- Perdue Farms
  • It takes a licking and keeps on ticking. -- Timex
  • Home of the Whopper. -- Burger King
  • Connecting People. -- Nokia
  • Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. -- Almond Joy/Mounds
  • Give me a break, give me a break; break me off a piece of that penis -- Kit Kat

I'm just gonna stop there -- nothing else I'll think of is gonna top those last two. Besides, even doing that made me feel kinda dirty -- like one of those people that repeatedly posts #Movietitlesthatsoundlikepornos or #terriblenamesforyourpenis for hours on end on Twitter. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU GOT NO DAMN LIFE, BRO -- go crash a BBQ or something, shit!

New Condoms Tumblr
Safe Sex Done Your Way: Wrap Your Dong in BK, XBOX, or KFC Condom? [obviouswinner] (also, "wrap your dong" FTW)

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