22-Year Old Girl Tries To Eat 69-Year Old Man's Face Off In Alleged Vampire Attack (At Hooters)

September 9, 2011


Seen here with the tell-tale vampire underbite, 22-year old Josephine Smith was charged with aggravated battery after trying to eat the face off a 69-year old man in a motorized scooter on the porch of an abandoned Hooters restaurant. Hey -- truth is stranger than fiction. But Twilight is still clearly to blame here.

Morton Ellis, 69, said he fell asleep after parking his wheelchair on the porch of a vacant Hooters to escape the rain.

He said the woman, 22-year-old Josephine Rebecca Smith, told him she was a vampire as she bit off chunks of his face and part of his lip.

Ellis managed to fend her off and called police. Officers found Smith at the restaurant, half naked and covered in blood.

No word if gramps tasted like turkey jerky. Also -- what exactly is the definition of half naked? Was she topless? I only ask for my own mental picture. And, okay, this doodle I've been working on. See? She has little bats for nipples!

UPDATE: She was actually bottomless. *crumpling paper* Fetch my pastels.

Police: Woman bites flesh from man's face in 'vampire' attack [abcnews] (with video news report)
Female "Vampire" Busted In Bloody Biting Attack [thesmokinggun] (with more details)

Thanks to Terry L and JoeLikASac, who only try to eat young people's faces off because they have refined palates. Hoho -- classy vamps!

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