A recent study by scientists who don't give a shit about curing cancer has determined that males with right-hand ring and index fingers of a similar length are more likely to have smaller wieners than males with a difference in lengths. And, as is clearly evident from the picture above, I have to tow mine behind me in a Radio Flyer.
While the men were under anesthesia, the researchers measured their finger lengths and both their flaccid and stretched penis lengths. Stretched penis length is statistically correlated to the size of the penis when fully erect.
The average flaccid penis length, the researchers found, was 3.0 inches (7.7 centimeters), with a range of 1.6 to 4.7 in. (4 to 12 cm). Stretched lengths ranged from nearly 3.0 to 6.7 in. (7.5 to 17 cm), with an average of 4.6 in. (11.7 cm).
The average ratio between the two fingers was 0.38 in. (0.97 cm), with a range of 0.35 to 0.44 in. (0.88 to 1.12 cm), making the differences hard to make out with the unaided eye. But the lower the digit ratio, the study found, the longer the penis was likely to be.
I would looooooooove to get my penis stretched and measured under anesthesia aside, I'm gonna take a peep around the office and see if I can't size up some johnsons without resorting to peeking over urinal dividers like I normally would. I'll let you know what I found out.
UPDATE: OMG -- THE SUPERFICIAL WRITER'S FINGERS ARE ALL THE SAME LENGTH! Plus there's six.