From Stick To Sword: The Branch Holder

June 24, 2011


The Branch Holder may look like a piece of molded rubber with a hole at each end and that's because that's exactly what it is. But once you slip that bad boy on your wiener a tree branch -- oh boy, it becomes a sword. Unless your parents are too cheap to buy you one, in which case your dad will insist your branch doesn't need a rubber hand-guard to become a sword. But when you try to explain that to the other child-knights in the neighborhood with REAL stick-swords they'll all laugh and call you Poory McEmptypockets. You'll challenge them all to a fight and eventually lose an eye to a kid who you shouldn't have been hanging out with anyways because the only reason he's in your grade is because he's been held back three times. 22 years later you'll find yourself blogging about it on the internet and crying out of your one good eye. Suddenly, your custom-printed 'It's true what they say about masturbating' eyepatch isn't as funny anymore.

Branch Holder - Long Live Imagination [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Marie, who never swung a stick at another girl growing up. Really?! We used to have rock wars.

Gouge my other eye out on Faceybooks and Tweeter
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