$350,000: A 20-Foot Animatronic Triceratops

June 30, 2011


Hammacher Schlemmer, purveyors of the finest everything you don't need, are selling a 20-foot animatronic Triceratops because, okay, I do actually f***ing need that. "RAWR!" *nipples harden into thumbtacks*

Featured at The Field Museum of Natural History, this is the motion-sensing, 20' long animatronic triceratops that responds to onlookers with lifelike reactions and fortissimo bellowing. Motion-activated cameras installed into each eye work in unison with customized interactive software that enables the Cretaceous creature to recognize multiple subjects' facial features. Once identified, subjects' tracked movements trigger a set of responses: it sways its tri-horned head right, left, up, and down, stomps and scuffs its right forelimb, and opens its jaws while growling--all powered by digitally controlled servos and silent, pneumatic air-activated cams. The rumbles that issue from a hidden 1,000-watt speaker are based on paleontological approximations of what sounds the original 67 million year-old saurian might have vocalized.

All that for only $350K?! They're practically giving it away. *Eying pillows I sewed together to look like a lumpy t-rex We've had some good times, P-Rex, but it's time I move on to bigger and better things. I will miss you. "Please stop dry-humping me, my stuffing's coming out." Oh come on -- for old times' sake? "No." HAVE YOU NO SENTIMENTALITY?!

Product Site

Thanks to Damian, who knows what I like and I like humping realistic looking dinosaurs.

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