That Nutjob: Rapture Happened 'Spiritually', Apocalypse Still Slated For October 21st

May 24, 2011


This picture: I want it airbrushed on the side of my van.

Because there's no such thing as ruining enough lives, evangelical broadcaster/ numerological nutjob Harold Camping has stated the rapture did in fact happen over the weekend, just "spiritually", and the end of the world is still scheduled for October 21st. Because why on (heaven or) earth would you believe some of the more explicitly stated things in the Bible when your Da Vinci Code number magic is panning out so well? Somebody get gramps to Vegas, STAT.

During a sometimes rambling, 90-minute discourse that included a question-and-answer session with reporters, Camping said he felt bad that Saturday had come and gone without the Rapture he had felt so certain would take place.

Reflecting on scripture afterward, Camping said it "dawned" on him that a "merciful and compassionate God" would spare humanity from "hell on Earth for five months" by compressing the physical apocalypse into a shorter time frame.

But he insisted that Oct. 21 has always been the end-point of his own End Times chronology, or at least, his latest chronology.

Sooooooooooooo -- basically more ignoring the Bible to fit your predictions. That does not sound like WJWD. Also, I'm the last one to ever speak one way or the other about religion but when you're 'A Beautiful Mind'ing a bunch of bullshit out of thin air and ruining your followers financial and familial lives then I start to get upset. That said, if the rapture actually was going to heralded in the way you predicted with sweeping earthquakes and fire -- GUESS WHAT? Parts of Australia might not have had time to be saved but you can bet your wrinkly ol' ass everybody else in the world would be BEGGING Jesus into their hearts or whatever before missing the boat their jetpack. Know what I'm saying? I'm saying the billboards were overkill.

Hit the jump for Camping's actual mathematical explanation of the rapture date if you've never seen it before. SPOILER: zero sense.

Harold Camping's Rapture "Logic"

1. According to Camping, the number five equals "atonement", the number ten equals "completeness", and the number seventeen equals "heaven".

2. Christ is said to have hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.

3. If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year, not to be confused with the lunar year), the result is 722,449.

4.The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.

5. 51 added to 722,449 is 722,500.

6. (5 × 10 × 17)2 or (atonement × completeness × heaven)2 also equals 722,500.

U.S. preacher sets new doomsday date [cnews]

Thanks to F. Pelayo and Fuzzbutt, who agree there should have been a whole lot more dividing by 0 involved.

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