Every Man For Himself!: CDC Has A (Not Very Good) Plan In Case Of A Zombie Outbreak

May 18, 2011


The Center for Disease Control has officially developed a plan in the case of a zombie outbreak, and I'm going to be honest here: it blows. HARD. Listen to them and you're gonna be zombie fodder quicker than you can say "OMG, I think this smelly chick wants to kiss me!" Listen to me then join my cult. Just sayin', coffee and finger-food after the chanting portion of every meeting! Per the organization itself:

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It's likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.

Yeaaaaaaaaaah, that plan sounds like we're all gonna f***ing die waiting for a bunch of scientits (not changing it!) to stop staring at petri dishes. Thanks but no thanks, CDC, I think I'll stick with my original plan of stockpiling guns and ammo (plus canned goods and nudey mags).

Official CDC Blog Post (including other info such as what to pack in a zombie emergency kit)
The Centers for Disease Control Is Officially Prepared for a Zombie Invasion [gawker]

Thanks to Vance, who agrees wasting time trying to investigate the cause of an outbreak isn't going to keep the killer zombies out of your lab. Guns -- that's the real solution here.

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