But They're Supposed To Make You LAZY: Lazy Cakes Causing A Stir Across America

May 13, 2011


Lazy Cakes are $3 prepackaged brownies with a bunch of natural herbs and other booboo tasting shit baked in to make you relax. If you can't tell from Lazy Larry the mascot and drug innuendo, they're marketing like weed brownies, except with no weed -- just "natural ingredients like Velarian Root and Rose Hips while utilizing Melatonin, a substance your body makes naturally to help you relax." But they are NOT for children, and a bunch of city governments want them banned altogether. Hoho, contraband! *mashing brownie up ass like a suppository*

That's the problem, according to Fall River Mayor William Flanagan.

"These brownies are laced with melatonin," he said at a news conference Thursday. "Melatonin is a sleep aid."

There's about eight grams of melatonin in each of the so-called brownies. That's reportedly four times the recommended dosage for an adult.

"Even though the product says it's not intended for children's use, it's psychedelic packaging and it's cartoon character, known as Lazy Larry, indicate otherwise," he said.

Children aside, on their website the company advertises the cakes to adults hopped up on energy drinks as a way to "come down." Because that roller coaster's gotta be good for your body! But seriously -- who the hell needs help being lazy? I could be lazy 24-7 NO F***IN' PROBLEM. No, if you have trouble being lazy I'm afraid you've got a much bigger problem on your hands. Probably a coke one.

Official Product Site
Fall River, New Bedford Try To Ban 'Lazy Cakes' [cbsboston]

Thanks to SmellzLikeSheez, who should really learn the ol' 'use your shirt as a gas-mask' trick.

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