US Government Releases 1950 UFO Report

April 11, 2011


This is a memo sent to the director of the FBI in 1950 describing the crash of three 'flying saucers' and the recovery of alien bodies from the New Mexico desert. OMG -- all those nutjobs weren't such nutjobs after all. Just kidding, I don't even trust the government to know a real flying saucer or alien if they saw one. You could probably paint your face green and sit in a kiddy pool by the road with a fishbowl over your head and have an unmarked van come screeching around the corner to pick you up within minutes. Possibly driven by a naked creep with a lapful of Twizzlers! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on -- did you say Cadbury Creme Eggs?

Official FBI Record Vault

Thanks to Kaz and Patrick, who've known forever we're not alone because they both had alien friends growing up but they kept winning all their good pogs so they killed and buried their bodies. Holy shit. You could have at least tried the ol' 'Reese's Pieces trail into a volcano' trick!

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