Pennsylvania Ninja Goes On Crime Spree

April 27, 2011


Pennsylvania, which is apparently some kind of mecca for f***ing ninjas, is back in the news, this time after a rogue ninja went on a crime spree, breaking into a bunch of cars and stabbing a dude. Pfft, a real ninja would've killed him. Worthwhile quotes:

In the latest event, a sword-wielding ninja smashed 11 cars in South Union Township, PA. and tried to stab a man who confronted him, say police. Santino Guzzo said he heard glass breaking, found the ninja hiding in a yard, and was cut in the hand during the ensuing ninja escape.

"He was like a gazelle that just got attacked by a lion," Guzzo told the Pittsburgh Trib. "He got up and fell, and got up and fell. Then he jumped off a cliff."

Guzzo reported that he "did not move with the grace typically associated with a ninja" and that he therefore "will not live in fear of the ninja's return."

WTAE news, quoting neighbor Chelsey Cunningham, said the ninja also left behind "like, a fifth of liquor."

WHAT KIND OF NINJA LEAVES BEHIND HIS BOOZE?! Damn, you've really shamed your clan this time, Sake Assassin. You know what this calls for, don't you? Harakiri. WHOA WHOA WHOA PUT DOWN THE KATANA, I WAS KIDDING BRO! But seriously, I am gonna nunchuck you in the face for a bit then chop off a couple digits.

Evil ninjas terrorise Pittsburgh [boingboing]

Thanks to venort, Adam and neolardo, who are all gonna dress like pirates and break into cars to help take some of the heat off ninjas.

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