OMGWTFWEREOFFICIALLYNOTALONE?!: Fossilized Alien Bacteria Found In Meteorite

March 6, 2011


Alien bacteria? Possibly. Noodle puking noodles? Probably.

A NASA scientist who's dreamed of having sex with aliens since adolescence claims he's found FOSSILIZED ALIEN BACTERIA in a rare form of meteorite. This discovery may or may yes lend credit to the Scientologist belief that meteorites are Xenu's sperm, raining life down on planets like pissing off a highrise. Admittedly, I don't actually know if they believe that or not, but I'm running with it. Also: scissors. Pirate eyes, makin' a comeback!

Hoover [no relation to the vacuum manufacturer -- except being a sucker!] discovered the fossils by breaking apart the CI1 meteorite, and analyzing the exposed rock with a scanning-electron microscope and a field emission electron-scanning microscope, which allowed him to detect any fossil remains. What he found were fossils of micro-organisms, many of which he says are strikingly similar to those found on our own planet.

"The exciting thing is that they are in many cases recognizable and can be associated very closely with the generic species here on earth," said Hoover. Some of the fossils, however, are quite odd. "There are some that are just very strange and don't look like anything that I've been able to identify, and I've shown them to many other experts that have also come up stump."

Every other scientist in the world is currently poring over Hoover's findings with the hopes of proving him wrong. Me? I'm currently poring over the Sunday funnies with the hopes somebody snuck a naked lady into a panel of Dilbert. I've only got one panel left though so it's not looking promising. *peeps* Damn. Maybe Garfield...

UPDATE: Apparently Hoover sucks(!) too much of the space-weed (which is actually just meth) and is a crackpot bullshitter. Also, still no luck on the nudie comic front and I'm getting down to the last few strips. COME ON, PRINCE VALIANT!

NASA scientist finds evidence of alien life [yahoonews]

Thanks to Kryptic Khaos, TOM, casey, Johnathan, April and Turbo the Mechanical Ape who encourage you all to tape your buttholes shut until we get to the bottom of this. Tape?! I glued!

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