Giving Birth As Terrifying Carnival Ride: 1963 'Apparatus For Facilitating The Birth Of A Child By Centrifugal Force' Patent

February 7, 2011


This is a patent from 1963 for a device that's supposed to make birthing easier by practically shooting babies out of vaginas with the helpful hand of centrifugal force. Basically a woman is strapped into this thing, it starts spinning like mad, and she projectile vomits for a while until PRESTO! a baby comes flying out like a circus clown out of a cannon. Thankfully, the newborn is caught by a special baby-catching net (DO NOT FORGET TO ATTACH THE NET!) between the woman's legs and the apparatus immediately shuts down. Wow, and to think 50-years later this isn't the standard practice. WHY YOU LADIES GOTTA HATE ON SCIENCE?!

Apparatus For Facilitating The Birth Of A Child By Centrifugal Force [googlepatents]

Thanks to Dot.AY, who heard water-births are where it's at. EVIAN BABIES FTW!

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