The Signs Of The Zodiac Have Changed, You're Now A Cancer (To Society Anyway)

January 13, 2011


Astrology, arguably the most credible of all the sciences (it can predict your future!), has apparently needed a facelift for some time, but, like gravity and plastics taking so long to invent, had managed to fly under the radar. That is, until now. Also, there's a bonus, previously unused Zodiac sign that's now in alignment! *cue 'National Treasure 3' theme*

Astronomer Parke Kunkle tells NBC news that due to the Earth's changing alignment in the last 3000 years, the sign you are born into now are different than they were long ago. Plus, some astronomers believe there is a 13th Zodiac sign called Ophiuchus, which falls between Scorpio and Sagittarius.

"This is not something that happened today. This has gone on for thousands of years," says Kunkle. "Because of this change of tilt, the Earth is really over here in effect and Sun is in a different constellation than it was 3,000 years ago."

So astrology enthusiasts should be using these dates, which reflect the current alignment of the Sun, Earth and stars.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 - Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 - March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18- May 13
Taurus: May 13- June 21
Gemini: June 21- July 20
Cancer: July 20- Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16- Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20

Whew, still a Leo. What about you, did you change signs? Because you certainly didn't change clothes -- that's the same shit you wore yesterday! Haha, what do you mean, how could I tell? Gee I dunno -- the 'KICK ME' sign, maybe? *punt* *squeak* OMG TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST FART ON MY SHOE.

UPDATE: Only applies to the "eastern" zodiac (read: the more accurate and reliable one) and not the "western" zodiac (read: the one printed in your local newspaper via some crazy lady in a cat-filled apartment), you may now rest easy knowing your make-believe life forecast still follows the sign you've always been.

Ophiuchus, new Zodiac sign dates and your real astrological sign [zap2it]

Thanks to smessica, koolaidzeus, Staticwolf, Kid Gorgeous, PKeegs and E!K, who are all Cobras. Commanders?! PLEEAAAASE LET ME SEE YOUR FACES!

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