Not False Advertising: 'Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge' Candy Bars Are Actually Toxic

January 17, 2011


Mmmm, secret ingredients!

Pakistan-produced 'Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge' candy bars were recently found to contain more than twice the PPM (parts per million) of lead tolerated by the FDA. Pfft, can you ever really have too much lead? (I pop fishing weights like candy, just sayin')

The company said a recent test performed by the California Department of Public Health has indicated that a lot (#8288A) of the cherry flavor candy contained elevated levels of lead (0.24 parts per million; the U.S. FDA tolerance is 0.1 ppm).

Out of an abundance of caution, according to Candy Dynamics, all lots and all flavors of the product distributed from the product's inception in 2007 through January 2011 are part of the recall.

Wait -- recalling candy produced in 2007? It's a little late for that! You can't recall things I already ate! Except last night's Thai, because that shit's coming out in like twenty. Literally -- and probably in the handicapped stall of the women's restroom. Oh I'm bad.

Don't Eat the Toxic Waste Cherry Chews [foodsafetynews]

Thanks to Reed, Samuel and Daniel, who don't eat candy unless it's toxic because they really want superpowers that bad.

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