NEVER A Happy Ending: Lil' Robo-Masseuse

December 1, 2010


Who wants a body massage? Yes, that was a G.I. Joe PSA quote. Porkchop sandwiches! So was that. Look at all your different colored hats! Okay that was the last one, I swear. Cha-meeko-ma fahs malilahdehd wehd-lav, ah watcha people rhile she do it like kahm butta CHOOKA fun time da yeh time fiddy bus ridah! sunshine da yeh ah time fiddy bus ridah! HAHA -- I LIED STRAIGHT TO YOUR FACE! This is a little robot masseuse named WheeMe (not to be confused with your cheap Wii knock-off's avatars) that drives around on your back, doing little to no actual massaging.

"WheeMe" is a palm-sized massage bot that looks like a miniature tank, or a weighted computer mouse with wheels. It works best on the body's horizontal surfaces, according to DreamBots, its manufacturer, and is really designed for use on the back, while the person being massaged lies face-down. The WheeMe actually uses tilt sensors so it can roll around without falling off your side

As the robot rolls around, nylon "fingerettes" massage your body, which should appealing to those who find full-size fingers grotesquely large. The little guy weighs only 0.73 pounds, so it won't exactly provide a deep tissue massage, but DreamBots promises "a delightful sense of bodily pleasure."

I dunno, sounds kinda junky. I mean, it's not even a pound. I dunno about you, but I need some serious pressure during a massage. Like a timed math test or somebody threatening to stab me. God, I can feel myself loosening up just thinking about. HIYO -- there went my bowels.

Hit the jump for another shot and a video of the failbot in action.


Personal Massage 'Bot Drives Around Your Back For a Gentle Caress [popsci]

Thanks to Mih0 and Iva, who'd rather rub themselves against Balloon Boy's dad's back scratcher. I dunno guys, even as a robot hater, that's a toss-up.

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