STD Testing: There's An App For That

November 11, 2010


That's right ladies and gentlemen, scientists are currently working on a way to run do-it-yourself STD tests on your cell phone. Awesome. I bought a 99¢ app and all I got was the clap. Hey that rhymed! And so does this: Caring means NOT sharing. BOOM -- STD slogan central over here!

Doctors and technology experts are developing small devices, similar to pregnancy testing kits, that will tell someone quickly and privately if they have caught an infection through sexual contact.

People who suspect they have been infected will be able to put urine or saliva on to a computer chip about the size of a USB chip, plug it into their phone or computer and receive a diagnosis within minutes, telling them which, if any, sexually transmitted infection (STI) they have. Seven funders, including the Medical Research Council, have put £4m into developing the technology via a forum called the UK Clinical Research Collaboration.

Hell yeah, pissing on your cell phone! Who hasn't been there before? Also, because I'm such the tireless public servant, I stayed up all night developing my own foolproof cell-phone based STD test. Wanna give it a go? Cool. 1. Remove your cell phone from pocket 2. Access phone book 3. Are there any hookers' #'s in there? Yes = you definitely have something. No = you might have something. 4. Pee on all the buttons.

Mobile phone kits to diagnose STDs [guardian]

Thanks to ultrapony, Valerie and Gunnit, who sell STD tests out of the back of a mobile food truck during lunch hour. Wait a minute -- this is just litmus paper!

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